Incapable of Love | IwaOiKage

Aftermath

He cried. Tobio cried.

It was so devastating, they lost. Even after the endless practice, the endless training, they couldn't beat Seijoh. And the fact that he did the most mistakes made it worse. He made them lose, he brought them down.

Tobio stared at his empty ceiling, his body was exhausted, his eyes were red from the tears, but he couldn't fall asleep. His mind was still analyzing the match, over and over again. His thoughts wouldn't shut up, it kept replaying, rewinding. It was so loud.

Tobio knew what was happening, the feeling of losing control of his mind was familiar, the way his heart would significantly pump faster, the way his skin would feel hot and sticky; it was all too familiar. A panic attack.

Fuck- breathe, breathe Tobio- fuck, fuck, ok- ok, just breathe, deep breaths, in, one, two, three, four, five, out, one two three four, five. In, one, two three, four, five, out, one, two, three, four, five... Breathe Tobio

Tobio let go of his t-shirt, which he was gripping too hard. He didn't even know when he did that. He wiped his tears, deciding that leaving himself alone with his thoughts was a bad idea. 

Tobio took a quick glance at the clock, 2 am. It was pretty late, so he doubt anyone would be out by this time. Tobio put on a jacket, his running shoes, and went out for a run. He didn't know where or- honestly what he was doing, but running in the middle of the night, the light breeze on his face, it made everything silent. Everything was still, slow. Runs like these, which Tobio goes on quite often, clears his mind. He could just focus on the sounds of the rustling trees, the way the gravel sounds underneath his shoes with every step he takes, the way all the shops and stalls that are usually bustling just seem to freeze. It was an escape.

Tobio had a routine when he does this, run for about 15 minutes before reaching the one vending machine that sold milk and run back home for another 15 minutes. He usually followed that rule, it if wasn't for...

"The milk ran out. Seriously?"

Tobio sighed, looking around for any sign of milk -yes, he loves milk- but to no avail. He settled for iced lemon tea, trying to trick his mind that it was milk. Yeah, he could do that. He could definitely-

Yeah, no.

Tobio slurped the last and gulped in down in one go. He threw the box away, continuing his run back home.

The run certainly helped, Tobio wasn't breaking from the inside out of the thought of the match, but he was still nervous about a few, mainly the talk he'd have with his soulmates and.....

What if the third years retire? It would me my fault. Why did I have to be so nervous? If I had just sent that last ball to Azumane-san or- or- Tanaka-san or-

"Ok, guys. Round up."

Sawamura-san? And Sugawara-san and Azumane-san! They're not retiring!

"Listen up guys! We won't be having practice this evening, so I hope you'll use today and the weekends to rest your bodies!"

Before Tobio could object, Sawamura smirked.

"Don't worry guys, I need you to rest your bodies so we can train real hard next Monday, so don't overwork yourself. You guys still wanna go to nationals right!"

With that settled, Tobio went through the rest of the day zoning out, mostly about the talk he'd have tomorrow. Tobio sighed, staring at the birds flying outside. The class he was currently in was one of his least favourite, to say the least. Not that the subject itself was boring -it was sort of boring for Tobio but his head is mostly volleyball, gay, guitar and bOkE, so who blame him- nor was the teacher a bad one. No, it wasn't the subject, but the topic they were revising for exams. Yup, you guessed it, biology, with everyone's favourite topic, soulmates.

Honestly, Tobio doesn't even get why that topic is in biology. Sure, the soulmarks are on they're bodies, but the whole connection thing still hasn't been explained by science.

Maybe he's just overthinking this. He hasn't had enough time to practice that one song yet, and his guitar classes had exams just around the corner. The stress must've gotten to him. Yup, definitely not the talk. Yup.

"Kageyama? Kageyama-kun? Are you listening to me?"

Tobio snapped his head toward the voice, his teacher called him. Shit.

"Kageyama-kun, I assume you're an expert at this topic, since you seem to be ignoring the class."

Tobio scoffed in his head, If it's about rejection then sure.

"What happens when a person put up a wall, otherwise known as a block?"

Huh, it is about that.

"At first, the wall is hard to put up," Tobio starts. "It may take a few tries. If you aren't strong enough, physically and/or mentally, the wall might be weak. A weak bond might let some things through, like bruises and such, but they're faded, though if the wall is only from your side, the bruises won't appear, it only does when you put the weak wall is from the other side of the bond. The wall doesn't get stronger just like that, you have to put it down and rebuild a new wall to make it a strong one."

"Ok, that's good enough Kageyama-"

"It feels weird, like a constant heaviness in your chest. It makes you feel like you're suffocating sometimes. And if feels heavier when you're near your soulmates- uh I mean, soulmate. The wall makes your soulmark a dark colour, unless it's blocked by both sides, then it'll turn black."

"O-ok Kageyama-kun. Thank you."

Tobio nodded, sitting back down. I think I just over-shared...

_______

The next day came a bit too quickly for Tobio's liking. They agreed, or, Tobio made them to, meet at the park near Karasuno at 2:30. It was now 2. Great.

Maybe I could cancel? But, I want answers. Sigh... Did I just say "sigh"? What is happening to me....

A text notification brought Tobio out of his head, one from Hinata.

Boke: YOUR GOING TO MEET GREAT KING AND SEIJOH'S ACE RIGHT??!?!?!
Boke: CAN I COME??!?!
Boke: PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!
Boke: I KNOW UR READING THIS!!!

Me: First of all, it's *you'reMe: And second of all, why would you come with?

Boke: Awww,, dont be like tht bakayamaaaa
Boke: Nd i want to spy on youuu

Me: It's not really spying if you're telling me this.

Boke: Whateverrr,, can i pleasee goooo

Me: What do I get?

Boke: HUh? Wht do u meann

Me: You get to "spy" on me, what do I get?

Boke: Uhhhhhh, i can watch over u?

Me: What are you going to do, intimidate them with you're height?
Me: Oh, wait.

Boke: This isnt funy bakayama!!!
Boke: Cmon,,, you don wanna go alone right?????

Me: ...
Me: Fine.
Boke: Yeeeeeee

Me: Meet me at my housedfjf
Me: Why are you already here??

Boke: I was gonna fullow u even if u didnt let me go with u
Boke: Now opn the door!!!!

Me: I'm coming..
Me: And stop making spelling mistakes.

Boke: Its a style, bakayama.
Boke: Of corse u wuldnt get it

Me: Do you want to come with me or not.

Boke: Y-yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Me: Shut the f up

Boke: Oh shit- you stopped writin proprlysjdefnkm