A Diary of Soul (Unedited Version)

33. revisiting memories: a letter to younger me.

because it's so difficult, difficult, difficult sometimes.

I really transitioned from flinching when people move to hug me to flinching when they move to speak with me.

I feel like these last days have been about coming full circle.

You have taken me by the hand, tugging me eagerly, showing me everything we've seen. It is painful, it makes me proud, it is bittersweet.

When I see where I was and where I am now. When I remember nights that taught me the art of silent tears, you learn some things when you're at war with your own skin.
When I hear words that would've made me bleed. When I encounter songs that served as anchors and kept me steady. When I see all these things my heart is filled and it breaks.

because it's so so difficult sometimes. Everywhere is dark and your eyes are veiled and you swear you know that the night is forever and that storms never end.

And I know and I understand that, but it is during times like these that I wish I could give you a piece of the dream that I have now and the hope that burns within me. It is during these moments that I wish I was another that could hug all the pain away.

I am grateful that even if you carved pain into your soul you didn't take out your heart.

There are still dark nights, but now I know that they are finite. And whenever wars happen in my mind I make sure to fight.

I am grateful that you didn't stray from life's path, and I am grateful you had enough faith in me to try a new start.

23:30
31.12.22