Blindsided By The Boss

Epilogue

Callum

Ten months later

Callum,

Since you're reading this, you must have found my parents' or they found you, and you found the one you'll be loving, pleasing, and cherishing forever, and I want to say congratulations; I'm so happy for you! You deserve it! You're such a wonderful, caring, and thoughtful guy; you deserve happiness! I'm sure she's a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart like you.

Anyway, now to the serious shit...

I'm sorry I never told you I was diagnosed with brain cancer—it was quite a shocker and highly depressing. I just didn't know how to tell you, fearing if I told you, I'd lose you, that you'd leave me, making me feel even more alone. Even though, technically, I left. You're reading a letter I wrote to you before my death.

Sigh...

Death... I'm shaking my head as I think and write the word.

It just isn't right.

It's just not fair...

I'm also sorry about the money you gave me to buy everything I wanted for our dream wedding and spend it on my medical care. That was wrong of me to do. So, so wrong... but I was desperate. I didn't want to lose you, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye to anyone. Even though I was afraid you'd kick me to the curb if I told you I was dying, I know better. You're not like that. Not at all. I know had I come to you and told you what was going on with me, you would have given me the money and gone to every doctor's appointment of mine because that's you, a man with a heart of gold. Still, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't tell you. I was scared, angry, upset, lost, and afraid.

I don't know how long it took for you to get this letter, but because of what I did to myself—and us, I hope you don't hate me. Please don't hate me, Callum. I did what I had to do. I needed to do this. I'm miserable. And after being told my cancer was terminal, instead of enduring the pain as I had been, but much worse, the more the tumor progressed and not being a burden to my family and you, I chose to end it.

I'm also sorry for asking for more money from you so I could move to Oregon to end my life with my dad's side of the family by my side. I wish you could have been with me. I would have loved to have seen you before closing my eyes forever and remembering your beautiful face.

I didn't leave to hurt or upset you; I left without saying anything, wanting you to remember me as who you knew, not recognizing me as a person who was frail and sick. I was only looking out for you and your wonderful, caring heart. The last thing I wanted to do was destroy that beautiful organ.

Even though I will no longer be able to share that extraordinary heart of yours with you, it deserves to be shared with someone else who deserves it. It's way too good not to be shared.

I know I keep repeating this, but I need you to know I truly am sorry. And I'm ashamed that for months, I said ditto instead of telling you that I loved you. I know you're not a fan of that word, but I was trying to do you a favor, hoping it would make things easier for you after I leave this beautiful world. So, even though I said ditto, I need you to know I truly loved you—very, very much. I felt it would be easier for you to move on, knowing the last words you heard from me weren't I love you, but the one word you despised.

And FYI, I actually enjoyed getting under your nerves by saying it. It was one of the things in my shortened life that made me smile, happy, and laugh about.

Don't sue me—you won't get very far. :)

You deserve to be happy, Callum. Even though it can't be with me, that's all I want to see from way up above—your happiness with the next lucky girl. And boy, will she be happy with having a man like you. Hopefully, she'll be able to keep you in line because you and I both know you need a good scolding every now and then. ;)