Phil -22 Dan -18
Dan can barely breathe.
Phil was here in his house
celebrating his birthday,
with another boy at his side.
After having deciding two years ago to go their separate ways.
He was laughing, his eyes wrinkling at the corners as they do, and his tongue sticking out between his teeth, causing him to cover his mouth because he didn't like how he looked when he laughed.
Dan used to hate it when he would do that. Now he's glad he can't see the smile.
Because he's still so hopelessly in love with Phil Lester.
He's across the room, watching Phil squeeze some boys hand. Whisper something in some boys ear. Have fun with that boy.
His heart feels crushed.
That boy didn't know Phil like Dan did. That boy didn't have a history of wonderful memories with Phil like Dan did, and he would never love Phil like Dan does.
Phil makes eye contact with Dan from across the party.
All the commotion seems to slow.
Dan is gasping for air.
Phil excuses himself from the group he's in, leaving his new boyfriend to conversate with his parents.
That boy didn't know Phil's parents like Dan knows his parents.
As soon as Phil starts to get closer to him in the crowd Dan finds the energy to finally unfreeze.
He sprints outside through his back door.
He pushes people out of the way, and darts for fresh air.
No more.
It's warm outside, and his tears feel sticky on his face.
Phil suddenly comes out after him, panting.
He sees Dan crying, and frowns.
Dan tries to run away again, but Phil grabs his wrists.
Dan shudders at the contact.
"Let me go." he whispers coldly.
Phil shakes his head, "I did let you go once," he says, "My mistake still haunts me everyday."
Dan swallows the lump in his throat, but the tears keep falling.
"I can't trust you anymore." he says.
Phil nods, "I know."
"Then let me go."
"If I let you go you'll run away from me."
"Not so different from the last time then, huh?" Dan retorts.
Phil looks down unable to hold eye contact with Dan anymore.
"Dan, you can't just leave your own birthday."
Dan laughs, "Unlike when you left me, I'm an adult now. I turned eighteen today, buddy. I'm free to do whatever I want. You don't control me anymore, Phil."
Phil doesn't let go of his wrists, but he loosens his grip, "Please don't go, Dan," he whispers, "I need you."
"For what?"
"I need you in my life again."
Dan steps forward getting real close to Phil's face likes he's going to kiss him. He wants Phil to feel the hurt of his next words radiate onto his own lips.
"Nothing stopped you from leaving me."
The words bite.
Phil feels a tear run down his face.
He can't speak.
That's when Dan frees himself from Phil's hold, and walks away knowing Phil isn't going to chase after him.
Phil didn't do that the first time he let go either.
YOU ARE READING
Boys Your Age
Fanfiction"What if I was gay?" "I'd fuck you." //Phan I was 13 when I wrote this please feel free to read anything else I wrote down the line, babes.
