In The Eye of the Beholder | Jonathan Crane

June 1993

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

Nobody said it would be this hard

-The Scientist (Coldplay)

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The sky wasn't grey as the grave was lowered in the ground. I suppose that was fitting given the circumstances. No one seemed sad that Mary Keeny was dead. Jonathan made a show of being miserable when I knew he was more than happy she was gone.

The only thing I questioned was how she died. I didn't believe the story of a heart attack.

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"Can you believe we're graduating tomorrow Jonathan?" I asked as we sat on his bed. He looked content as he nodded.

"After tomorrow we're free to leave," I said. He nodded again.

"So you'll be attending Gotham University in the fall?" I asked.

"I will. What about you?"

"I'm going to a school in Virginia. For journalism"

"Then I suppose we will be parting ways soon," he said.

"I guess we will. I'm gonna miss you, you know that, right?"

"I know. I suppose I'll miss you as well."

"You suppose?" I teased. "I'm sorry for having wasted your time all these years."

"You've never wasted my time," Jonathan said. Though it wasn't in the lowered voice I was accustomed to.

For some reason I could feel my cheeks warm up as he looked at me. Then I reached out and hugged him. He tensed for barely a moment before returning the embrace. His hands lightly caressed my back. I enjoyed these moments when I could pretend he was the same boy as the one I'd met years ago.

"Amber?" he whispered into my hair.

"Yes?"

"I think I love you."

I froze.

"What?" I said after being silent for a few moments.

"I said-"

"I know what you said," I interrupted him. "Do you mean it?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," he said, finally pulling away. I looked away from him, knowing I would regret what I was about to say. I did love Jonathan.

Platonically.

Not romantically.

"I know you wouldn't. But I don't know if I love you back. At least, not in the way you do," I whispered. I waited for his sharp words.

They never came.

The silence was worse than anything he could have said.

"Jonathan, I'm sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear," I continued to whisper. His face didn't display any signs of pain.

"I'm not upset. You deserve better than me anyway," he finally said. To anyone else, it might have sounded like he was trying to guilt me. But I knew better. I knew he genuinely believed what he said. And it wasn't true.

"That's not true. It's just me. I haven't had time to... dig deep, I guess. Evaluate my feelings. It's not at all you," I tried to convince him.

"It's fine. I get it," he mumbled. "Forget I said anything."

I felt terrible.

I felt worse knowing there were only a few months left for us to be together.

Before long, we would be leaving each other.

It would be over.

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A/N: So, now we're done with the teenage years! Next will be the adult years, where things get a little more complicated than they have been. See you next chapter!