Bet my Life (EDITING!!) #BOOK1

18. Chasing Cars

"Dear Nathan,

You have always put me on a pedestal, from the moment we met. Before I met you, I was just a girl running away from my past. A girl who was vulnerable, weak, and broken. But you changed it. You changed me. You made me brave, you made me happy, you made me care. You were like coming up for fresh air. Like I was drowning and you saved me.

But our past always catches up to us. Which is why I have to go. Which is why you need to stay away from me. You deserve better than this. I can't let you get involved in my life, which is why I am leaving. Jay is picking up Izzie and me. I won't be seeing you on campus either. Please, leave me alone. If you truly love me, like you say you do, please let me go.

Many love stories are waiting to happen. Many people are destined to be together. We just aren't it. Move on with your life. I hope that someday you forgive me for this. Don't run after me.

Goodbye,

Zoey"

..........

I spent the next week moping around on Jay's couch. He tried to pry, asking me what was wrong, but I just couldn't get the words out. After a few attempts, Layla had to practically pull him away from me. Replying to Izzie's check-up messages, once in 2 hours, and watching movies, was how I spent the whole week. Our college was shut for 2 weeks after the exams. Which meant that I had 1 more week to get my life under control. I still sent one or two messages to Zach, Lily, and the twins, but had no contact whatsoever with Nate, apart from the letter I, oh so graciously, left him. Maybe he hates me now. Good. At least that will make him stay away.

My chain of thoughts was broken when Jay came and sat next to me with 2 tubs of ice cream in his hand.

"Salted caramel. You interested?" He asked, cautiously.

"If I ever say no to that, shoot me," I said with a laugh, which earned me a chuckle in return.

"What are you watching?"

"Harry Potter. Wanna join?"

"If I ever say no to that, shoot me," he mocked.

Halfway through the movie, Jay and I were both done with our ice creams, and the tension was thick in the room.

"Please tell me what happened, Zoe. Please let me help," he pleaded.

"Jay, I-"

"I know, you need space, I understand. But I feel so angry and upset that I am not able to do anything to help. I don't want to go through that again," he cut me off and replied with a desperate voice.

"It was Damian's friend. He recognized me at the beach, and then shit went down," I spoke in a small voice, keeping the other details to myself, not wanting him to worry.

"That fuc- Who is he? I'll kill him," Jay shouted, his eyes becoming red.

"No. Calm down, Jay. This is why I didn't tell you earlier. I'm here, I'm fine. Let it go," I yelled with the same intensity.

He looks me in the eye, wanting to say something, but finally decided against it. He slouched down with his head on his knees and breathed heavily. I patted him soothingly on his back and rested my cheek against it.

"So I can't do anything to help you?" He asked in a vulnerable voice, emotions brimming in his eyes.

"You're already doing it."

.........

As soon as the week was up, Jay dropped me back to the dorms, with a lot of hesitancy.

"You'll call me daily. Me, or Layla. Just promise me," he said for the 30th time in the last hour.

"Jay, I'm okay. It's all okay. I promise you." I shut the door, wanting to get inside without being seen, as fast as humanly possible.

I walked inside to find Izzie and Zach lying on her bed. As though sensing me, Izzie jumped from her bed and launched herself on me. Almost like the first day of college.

"I missed you so so much," I could feel her tears soaking my shirt.

"Shh, it's alright. I'm here, now. Aren't I?" I asked, holding her face up with my hands.

"Hey, Zoe. It's good to have you back," Zach said honestly and hugged me tightly. "I am so sorry about you and Nate. But you have to know, the guy is a mess. He is a walking zombie."

I pulled back, my heart feeling heavy at the mention of his name. It's all my fault. I did that to him. I sighed and unpacked all my things, avoiding any further conversation. Izzie insisted on staying with me throughout the evening.

"Izz, you don't have to do this. It wasn't your fault, alright? And your life's goal is not babysitting me."

We were currently in a cafe, away from 'The Vinyl', so that I could avoid an altercation with a certain someone. I had just finished my shift at the library, which Izzie insisted on accompanying me.

"How can you say that? How can you be so cavalier about this? What if he comes back? I can't afford to lose you, Zoe. You're the only family I have. You're my sister. And if babysitting you 24x7 is what it takes to ensure that you're safe, then ya, I'll do it."

"By the way, you don't have to go out of your way to avoid him, you know? He rarely goes out anymore," Izzie said like she was testing the waters.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I stated simply, not wanting to partake in this.

"So that's how we are going to play it, huh? But why did you do it, Zoe? Why? You were finally so happy. You were the old you again, so what changed?"

"Life. Shit happens, you move on," paying the bill, I walk out of the door.

"Don't bullshit the bullshitter, Zoey. What did Cole say?" Izzie walked right behind me and turned me around.

"Fine. you wanna know what he said? He told me that Damian knows about Nate and that even though his problem was with me and Tyler, he would gladly kill anyone who comes in the middle. And I love him enough to not sacrifice him to the wolves there. Are you happy now? I pushed away from the one guy I truly loved. I broke his heart and made him think that I don't feel anything for him. Are you happy now?" I yelled it all in one breath, almost collapsing on the road.

Izzie pulled me into a hug, and we stayed that way till what felt like forever.

The next day was a little better. After all, it gets better each day, right? In class, my eyes fell on Oli, who had an open seat next to him. After contemplating, I decided to sit there.

"Hey," I whispered.

"I was hoping you'd sit here. Thank you for not hating me," he said with a small smile.

"Your cousin's a jerk, you aren't. You are Oliver, a gem of a person and one of my best friends. I could never hate you," I hugged him.

"I'm glad that you are okay. We really missed you."

After the lectures were done, I decided to hang out in the garden, desperately needing some fresh air.

"Watch where you're fucking going," a familiar voice shouted at a distance.

My eyes immediately darted to the speaker, and my eyes widened at that.

"Nate," I whispered, but he looked nothing like him. His hair was unkempt, unshaved beard, and he looked like he hadn't showered or slept in days. He had an angry scowl on his face, directed at a freshman. His eyes suddenly darted to mine, and his scowl deepened. Instead of talking to me, as I thought he would, he walked right past me, ignoring my existence.

A sob came from my mouth, surprising me. This is exactly what I wanted, they why is it so difficult?