I Don't Love You (And I Always Will)

Chapter Seventeen

Hey! Hope you enjoy this chapter, comments are always appreciated!!

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter includes talk about eating disorders and disordered eating. If this is triggering, skip to the first set of asterisks.

Disclaimer: This is a work of FICTION not meant to imply anything about any one or any organization mentioned.

                                                                                      Harry

Whenever Harry saw Gigi Hadid, he saw a put together, collected person. Harry had never seen her cry. Harry had never seen her laugh so hard she got a stomachache. So, when he did see her in such a vulnerable state as she was in now, it was like a punch to the gut. Gigi was sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees so she was in a little ball. Her hair was a mess, like she had been running her hands through it nonstop. The fear in her eyes when she spotted Harry was the worst part.

"Gigi?" Harry whispered. She whimpered in response. He slid down the wall of the bathtub to sit next to her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know if I can." Gigi responded. She was still crying, but the tears were starting to give way to sobbing, full body shaking. Harry wrapped his arms around her smaller frame, trying to still her. He had no idea what else to do.

"Did somebody hurt you?" Harry asked. If someone hurt her, a cavalry of soloists would end the shit out of whoever it was. Harry would do it himself if it came down to it. But Gigi was shaking her head before Harry could dive further into the hole he was going down.

"No." She chuckled dryly. "Maybe that would be easier to explain." A tear ran down the right side of her face, and she buried her face into the crook of Harry's neck.

"Can you start with why you're crying now? You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to."

"I can try." Gigi said, putting some space between herself and Harry, maybe to distance herself from the reality of her situation. "I was trying-"she hiccupped "trying to make myself get rid of this damn dinner. And I couldn't do- do it." Harry froze where he was rubbing his hand in circles on Gigi's back. "Am I that weak? Am I so fucking stupid that I can't do this for myself?" She let out a shaking sob, her whole body convulsing with it. "I was doing so well before this. I was saving my calories for this damn dinner but of course I went overboard. I can't con- control myself. And now I'm gonna be the b-big ballerina onstage and I just can't do that anymore Harry. I can't." Gigi finally broke. Whatever was happening to her earlier wasn't comparable to the way she was crying so hard she couldn't breathe now, sobs coming out of her mouth no matter how hard she tried to quiet them. Harry just held her.

The thing was, Harry should have more experience with this. Harry had been around ballet dancers since he was fourteen, of course he had seen dancers with eating disorders, or at least disordered eating. But he had never dealt with it up close. He saw what every other dancer saw, said what every other dancer said. She's gonna snap starving herself like that. He's probably puking up dinner, he'll be back in a bit. Harry had never done anything to help them, because to be honest he didn't know how. If he said something to the teachers, the dancer would go home and they would never forgive him for ruining their career. So Harry watched the dancers around him shatter like glass, the hammer that broke them their own mind.

This was different. Harry couldn't watch Gigi ruin herself anymore. And it had been there all along if he looked hard enough. For the last couple months, all that Harry had seen her eat was an orange or maybe a piece of chicken. The coffee she drank was probably the only thing keeping her from collapsing during rehearsals. Her face had hollowed out, and he couldn't see what she had done to her body until today, since she was constantly wearing baggy warmups. Gigi had probably lost fifteen pounds in the last two months. Something had to change before she seriously hurt herself, even more than she already was.