Reminder | Bucky Barnes x Reader

n i n e

"Don't worry, y/n," List sneered. "This will only hurt a little bit."

He lied. When they injected the stuff into me, it hurt like hell.

It had been two months since I'd arrived at Hydra. They had locked me up for the first month, and then decided to start training me. The man who had kidnapped me – who I now knew as the Winter Soldier – was the one training me, and he was harsh and brutal in his training. Every night I would go to sleep with bruises and cuts.

"Nothing is happening," a scientist said.

List frowned.

"We don't want to risk killing her. Put her back in her room," List decided.

Two bodyguards grabbed me by the arms. I sagged between them and they dragged me back to my room.

*

I woke up again, breathing heavily. I hated that I couldn't dream like normal people. I hated having to relive my past.

I threw my blanket covers back and got out of bed. I needed a glass of water.

I walked down the halls of the tower and to the kitchen. A figure walked in from the other entrance, and I grimaced when I realised it was Bucky.

I hadn't spoken to him since the incident at the table a couple of weeks ago. He looked at me and frowned.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"None of your business, Winter Soldier," I said.

"Don't call me that," he snapped.

I just shrugged and walked to one of the cabinets. I opened it and reached in as a hip nudged mine. I glared up at Bucky as he reached in to grab the glass I was already reaching for. I grabbed it before him, completely forgetting about the fact that skin-to-skin contact still triggered me. As I pulled my arm out, I brushed up against Bucky's hand.

I dropped the glass and closed my eyes. I waited to see a memory from Hydra, waited to see something of perhaps even myself, but nothing came.

When I opened my eyes, Bucky had his metal arm wrapped around my waist, holding me upright. He looked at me with such concern in his eyes, it felt like he cared about me.

I looked to his metal arm. I could feel the metal through the material of my shirt. I brushed my fingers along the arm slowly, carefully. No memories came, and I looked up into Bucky's eyes.

Into the eyes I hated.

I placed my hand against Bucky's chest and pushed him away.

"You know what? I'm not thirsty anymore," I said, before walking away from him.

I couldn't go back to sleep, not with that... experience fresh in my mind. The feel of his arm around me lingered, and I shook myself.

What the hell was happening? I hated this man, but for some reason, I wished I was still in his arms.

Perhaps I was just touch-starved, and that was the first actual physical contact I'd had without seeing a memory since before Hydra.

But the look in his eyes. He did look concerned for me. Was the hatred from him just an act to match my own hatred?

I wandered the halls, looking for something to do. I passed the labs when I saw Tony working away at something. I watched him for a few moments before he turned around. He gestured for me to enter the lab, so I did.

"Nightmares?" he asked as soon as I entered.

"How did you know?" I asked tiredly.

"You have that look in your eyes," he said. "Did something else happen? Something with Bucky?"

I sighed. How the hell did he know?

"Please tell me you didn't murder him," Tony said.

"I didn't," I murmured, my mind going back to the incident.

"Do you want to talk, or do you just want company?" Tony asked.

"Company," I said quietly.

Tony nodded and got back to work. Watching him was quite fascinating. He was steady as he worked, and always knew what to do next.

"When did you stop hating Bucky?" I asked.

I knew about the whole 'Civil War' incident. I also knew that Bucky murdered Tony' parents. I knew that Tony had attacked Bucky, and that Steve had convinced him to stop.

"A while ago," Tony admitted. "I hated him for a while, too, though. He killed my mum, you know? But then I was able to notice the difference between Bucky and the Winter Soldier. Bucky wanted to make amends, something that the Winter Soldier never did. Besides, he's saved my life on the battlefield more times than I can count."

I sat on a counter, processing the information.

"So... you forgave him?" I asked.

"In a way, but it isn't quite that easy. They're different people. I think of the Winter Soldier as Hydra, not Bucky, because Hydra made him do everything against his will. So, I blame Hydra for killing my parents, and I'll never forgive them for that. But I don't hold anything against Bucky, not anymore," Tony explained.

I thought it over. Was I being too harsh? He had been brainwashed, so I didn't really have much of an excuse for being so mad at him.

"You can still be angry with him," Tony said, looking at me. "If it helps you heal, then it doesn't matter. As long as you don't try to kill him again."

My lips tugged upwards.

"Thanks, Tony," I said.

"No problem, y/n."