My Life (sons of anarchy fan fiction)

20

"I'm done. I'm done with him I'm done with her I'm done with absolutely fucking everything." I said wiping the tears away. "Im sorry Harley you don't desrve this."  He said kissing my head. "I think I'm just going to take a nap." I said getting up and happy following. He kissed my cheek, gave me a small smile and walked out. I sighed and grabbed my journal from under the matress and sat down and began writing. 

Dear Diary,

This shit with Jax is a fucking useless cycle. I'm in this situation where it feels like a never ending rollercoaster. Even the emotion of confusion doesn't cover it anymore. I dont know why I let him treat me this way. Jax is a series of disasters and I know that for a fact, and yet I keep coming back to him. Regardless of how shitty he treats me when his beloved Tara is around. Why can't he just grow a pair of balls to build up some confidence to tell Tara the truth. He denies me all the time when that bitch is around and yet when we're all alone he leaves this tiny piece of hope that he might just feel the same way about me. Fuck you Jackson Teller. I wish it's not so damn hard to let go of you. I am nothing but a damn doormat to you. Where you can come back when you please. If you knew that how I feel about you is so fucking real. Happy and I have a sexual friendship thats it and that doesn't even make me forget about you. Why am I in love with someone like you? When Im with Happy all I think of is you. When I share the same bed with him I wish it was you next to me instead. Whatever Happy and I have isnt like what we have Jackson I wish you could see how wrong Tara is for you. 

I stopped writing and put my journal back. and walked back out into the hallway and to the bar. I saw Tara and Jax and went to turn around when I bumped into someone. I looked up and saw Tig he smirked and lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder and started running around. "TIGGY PUT ME DOWN!" I yelled hitting his back. "Nope." "Tig Please. Im getting dizzy." I said still hitting his back. "Fine." He sighed and put me down. He held me so I wouldn't fall. "You good?" He asked. "Yeah Im good." I smiled. I walked over to where my brother and Chibs were and sat in the middle of them. "I thought you were taking a nap." Happy said sitting down across from us along with Tig. "Yeah  I couldn't." I lied. "Why were you going to turn around when you came out here?" Tig asked. "Because I saw Tara and Jax. And apparently I'm the cause of their fights and I just can't be near him." I said. "Did I hear my name?" Jax asked walking over with Tara his arm around her waist. "No you fucking didn't." I snapped getting up, I went over to the bar and grabbed a bottle of fire ball. I took off the cap and took a sip. I turned and saw Jax walking Tara out. So she isn't staying for the party. I thought. Tig came over to me and took my bottle taking a sip. "Yeah sure have some." I said sarcastically. "Oh you love me anyway." he said handing it back to me. "That true." I say nodding and taking another sip. "Are you getting drunk before the party even starts?" my brother asks standing on the other other side of me. "No, trust me it will take more than,one bottle to do that right now. Is Tara not staying for it?" I ask. "Nope she's got night shift." he tells me as Jax walks back in and straight to the dorms. "Why thinking about getting in jaxs bed tonight?" Tig asked smirking. "No and if that happens I would be very disappointed in myself." I told them walking away and sitting at a table.