Everything I Need

3

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially after Kyler left when lunch was over. There's something I want to bring up but I'm kind of scared to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage, it's perfect for me and I am extremely happy, the happiest I've been but....

Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger and I have wanted kids for a long time. Kyler has said she wanted kids and oddly enough, would like to see me pregnant. Which was an odd thing to say but sweet at the same time. I know she is still young and still in college but she is on track and determined to finish early. I'm just nervous to bring up the topic of a baby. Will she still want to start a family? There's no way for me to know unless I ask though. Tonight after dinner, I will subtly bring the idea of a baby up and see how it goes.

I replayed my hopeful talk with Kyler over and over in my head the rest of the day at school and on my drive home. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I get home and walk through the door from the garage. My wife is sitting at the kitchen island and I smile as our eyes meet but instead of smiling back she says "we need to talk."

It feels like my heart stops and I slowly sit down at the dining table before doing anything else. I quickly shake my head because I don't understand what is going on and those words usually mean the worst. Before I can say anything Kyler is at the kitchen table, sits down beside me and takes my trembling hands. "Not like that. God, I'm sorry baby, that didn't come out the way it needed to." I let out a soft breath and felt my body relax.

"I know what I'm about to talk about can be a touchy subject for you. Just hear me out please and let me say what I need to before you say anything." Kyler says and I nod my head so she continues. "I... okay, I know I'm still young, not saying that you're old because you're not.... damn... okay let me try this again. I know we have only been married a little over a year and I'm still in college but I will finish early because I'm ahead on all my courses."

I look at Kyler because I can't quite figure out what she is trying to say. She is rambling because she is apparently nervous which is unusual for her so of course I'm already thinking this might not be good. "I don't want you to think this would be too much on me because it wouldn't be and I'm not saying this because it was something you had been wanting. This is something I want too and only with you. I don't feel like it's too soon in our marriage so I want us to have a baby...." I cut her words off with a passionate kiss. It takes her a second but she moves her lips with mine and I feel a dampness against my face as tears fall from my eyes.

We break the kiss and rest our foreheads against each other's. "That's crazy because I was actually planning to talk to you about that after dinner. Just like you bringing lunch today after I was thinking about it. Are you sure about this Kyler?" I ask, expressing my concern. "I want you to live your life and not feel like you're stuck raising a child while you're still so young. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me."

Kyler cups my face with both hands and wipes my tears with her thumbs as she gazes deep into my ocean blue eyes. "I promise you, I am absolutely sure about this. I promise you, I have never wanted anything more, well except for you but I have you already." She assures me. She kisses my lips to seal her promise and I can't help but smile against her lips. She pulls away and I search her eyes and face for any signs of doubt but I see none.

"I love you Kyler. You don't even realize how happy you make me and what this means to me. I didn't want to push you or force anything on you but at the same time I didn't want to be nearly 40 before having kids and I have been wanting kids for a few years as you know. I just didn't want to bring it up and you feel pressured."

Kyler glances at her watch and sees it's 4:15. She quickly grabs her phone and brings it back to the table. "Let's go ahead and set up an appointment to see what we need to do. After that I will call Kyle since he was going to be our donor if you're still okay with that. If not that's okay too and we can find a donor that's a close match instead." My wife says as she starts grinning from ear to ear.

I shake my head "I would love for Kyle to be the donor if he still wants to help us. Having a baby that resembles both of us would be amazing. Just please, make sure he is still okay with this. It is a little odd and we can always just find another donor that closely resembles you if we need to." She nods her head as I call the clinic.

   We have our first appointment Monday which is a consultation visit to go over everything and for them to do labs and tests, then we go from there. Kyler called Kyle and he is definitely onboard and excited to help us with the next chapter of our lives. I heard him squealing with excitement through the phone and promised not to say anything to anyone about it.

We were both nervous and excited for Monday and happily walked hand in hand into the clinic. Kyler smiles at me and says, "I can't believe I will finally get to see you with a swollen belly while carrying our baby. A baby that will be so loved." We continue holding hands in the waiting area and once we are placed in a room. Our doctor, Dr. Davis comes in and we listen to her explain the preparation and procedure. Including all the charting and calendars to pinpoint my ovulation window, then having to come back in November a day before I'm ovulating to have IUI done with the donated sperm from Kyle.

   We opted for IUI or Intrauterine Insemination over IVF because IUI is less invasive and when the sperm is injected it has less distance to travel. Of course if IUI doesn't work, we can try it again or move on to IVF.