Everything I Need

36

The drive to my therapy appointment seems... hell, I don't really know. It's quite between Lauren and I which is a little unusual because we always talk about something but it feels peaceful and comfortable with no stress, no doubt and no hateful words filling my mind.

Our hotel is about 25 minutes from the medical complex because Lauren didn't want to be directly inside the busy part of the city. As she is driving, she looks over at me, smiles and grabs my hand to hold then looks back at the road. I look down at our hands in my lap and can't help but smile. I look over at her and smile as I shamelessly stare.

Everything about Lauren is so... perfect. The way she looks, walks, talks and smiles. The way she looks at me, the way she loves me, the passion for her job and for our family we're starting. She has my heart completely and mesmerizes me in everything she does.

It feels like a large lump forms in my throat from the emotions I'm feeling from just looking at Lauren. I am so lucky to have her in my life and grateful that she is my wife. A big smile graces her face and she tightens her hold on my hand because she knows I was staring at her. Of course she knew I was staring at her, she always does, even if she can't see me.

As I'm still staring at Lauren I swear it feels like all the oxygen in my lungs evaporates because I love her so damn much. She is my world and has my heart and the ability to destroy it but... that is love and I love her so damn much and I know she would never break my heart just like I wouldn't break hers. I quickly say "pull over."

Lauren glances at me "Kyler are you okay? Is something wrong?"

I repeat "pull over," and Lauren does as I request but has a look of worry on her beautiful face. Once she is stopped on the side of the road and those beautiful ocean blue eyes that I fell in love with when we first met lock with mine, it's like everything around us disappears. I unbuckle my seatbelt and nearly lunge across the center console, ignoring the pain in my ribs as I press my lips to Lauren's, taking her by surprise. I press my lips a little harder against her plump ones in an intimate kiss. A faint moan of pleasure escapes Lauren, sending tingles through my body and throbbing between my legs.

Lauren's hand runs through my hair causing shivers down my spine and goosebumps to cover my skin. I rest my right hand on her thigh and squeeze, enjoying the feeling of her lips on mine and the butterflies I always get only from her. I feel Lauren's tongue glide across my lips but she suddenly pulls away. Her lips are parted as she is breathing heavily and her pupils are dilated. She looks at me with a flushed and puzzled look. "W-What was that for?"

I smile at Lauren as I caress her cheek then I sit back in my seat. "You are so beautiful and I just want you to know that I love you so damn much. I know with everything that happened and these past couple weeks it's been tough on you. I'm sorry if it seems I try to push you away, I'm an idiot. I let his words still get to me sometimes and I don't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel like I don't want you there. Trust me, there's no one else I want by my side but you. I am trying and I feel like therapy is helping a lot so I'm sorry for being an asshole. I don't know why I let him get to me when he was never an actual father to me to start with."

Lauren grabs my hand and brings it to her plump lips, placing a soft kiss to my knuckles. "I forgive the unneeded apology that you're set on giving me. You went through something terrible, we both did but you had it worse. I can't say I understand how you feel but I promise you that I'm here for you and here to help you. Together we will get through this and you're already doing great, we're doing great. Now we really should head on to your appointment. We don't want to be late."

I nod my head then chuckle. Lauren gives me a questioning look as to what was funny. "Our hotel is literally 25 minutes from the clinic yet we left 20 minutes earlier than needed and you're worried about us not getting there on time." She shrugs her shoulders and just laughs with me.

I have done a lot of thinking over the past week about a lot of things and there's a question that keeps coming to mind that was brought up in one of my therapy sessions the first week. I have wanted to ask Lauren but wasn't sure if it was a good time or not but I have to ask. "Lauren? Do... Do you ever think or feel like it was too soon for you to be with me? I mean, not be with me, be with me. Not as in sex, just... starting a relationship with me."

Lauren glances at me then back at the road and squeezes my hand that she is still holding. It's silent for a few seconds then she finally speaks. "Honestly, yes and no. Finally admitting to myself that my marriage was over was hard. It was a harsh reality for me because I thought I knew what love was and that I was in love. I was stupid and was swept off my feet. I got married after nearly a year of dating and got married at 21. Five days after my 21st birthday to be exact to someone a good bit older than me. I know how it is to basically lose your younger years by being with someone older that was one reason I constantly brought up the fact I was quite a few years older than you. I didn't want you to go through what I did. Plus I had never had feelings for another female before and given our situation when I developed feelings for you, sometimes I... I question myself and wonder what's wrong with me. I never gave myself the time to heal emotionally before jumping into another relationship."

I slightly frown as Lauren's words sink in as she pulls back onto the highway. "Oh, I see" I mumble as I look out the window.

Lauren tugs on my hand to get me to look at her. "Hey" she glances at me as I look at her and she realizes how I interpreted what she said. "I don't regret this Kyler. I don't regret us, I promise you that. I was just being honest with you which is one thing we agreed on always doing with each other. Just so you know, having you by my side definitely helped me heal. It lessened the pain day after day. I would do it all over again as long as it brought us together because this is where I'm meant to be."

It's quiet for a few minutes as we are both apparently deep in thought as Lauren drives the rest of the way. Once we pull up to the medical complex, she says "I will see you after your appointments baby. If you need me, I'm just a phone call away."

I smile at Lauren, "thank you for being here and I love you."

Lauren leans across the center console and pulls me in for a loving kiss. "I'm your wife so of course I'm here for you just like you're here for me and I love you more."

I peck Lauren's lips again "I love you the most" then get out of the car. As I'm walking towards the clinic door, I look back and see her waiting for me to go inside. I smile at her and she smiles back then blows me a kiss before I go inside. God, I am still so whipped for her.