Everything I Need

8

It's 4:28 and it's too early in the morning to be awake but I'm woken up when a sudden nauseous feeling that settles in my stomach. I don't want to get up so I cuddle up against Kyler, enjoying her warmth and try to go back to sleep. Today is December 20th which is our first day of Christmas break and also the day of my scheduled doctor's appointment this afternoon at 3. I'm really not worried about going to the appointment and stated that I should cancel it to my wife last night. Of course she didn't agree and said we still need to go.

I know she's right about keeping my doctor's appointment but I guess I'm just still in a funk. The past few days have passed by in a blur and I felt better than I did. The two days after not one but two negative pregnancy tests, I moped around and basically didn't want to get out of bed. I know some people would probably think I was being a little extreme but it was just so heartbreaking to me. Especially when I have been wanting to have a baby for the past four years.

Kyler has done nothing but be supportive even though she was hurt by it also. She tried to be strong and not cry about it but she eventually broke down one night while we were laying in bed just holding each other. She was looking forward to us starting a family too. I know we can try again when we are ready but I honestly don't know if I want to go through with it again just to have the same results. We knew going in, it wasn't a guarantee it would work the first time. I'm just conflicted on what we should do.

Just as I'm about to fall back asleep, after overthinking, I pull away from Kyler as a strong wave of nausea hits and I jump out of bed rushing to the bathroom. I don't think the street tacos we had last night agreed with me. Normally we get street tacos from Taqueria El Trompo. Last night we decided to try somewhere different, now I wish we would have gone to our usual place.

Just as soon as I thought I was fine to go back to bed, I quickly kneeled in front of the toilet just in time for my dinner from last night to come back up. I clutch the toilet as I vomit again and my eyes start to water from so much heaving. Soft hands run through my hair, pulling it back out of the way as I keep my head over the toilet. I didn't mean to wake Kyler up but I love the fact that she wasted no time coming in here even though she didn't have to. "Baby I'm..." I start but cannot finish because I vomit again.

Kyler kneels down beside me as one hand is still holding my hair back and with her other hand she rubs my back. "It's okay Lauren, I'm not worried about sleeping if you're not feeling good. I'm sorry your sick baby." I wish I could hug my wife right now but I'm scared to move from the toilet. She is always here for me even if I don't ask.

"I think it was dinner last night. It tasted good but I think we will stick to our usual place." I hadn't felt the best the past two days but I think it was just from everything that has happened so I know it has to be the food that's made me sick.

I feel a little better now so I turn away from the toilet and lean into Kyler, laying my head on her shoulder. "Why don't you brush your teeth and come back to bed?" She suggests. I nod and before I can get up, she is on her feet holding out her hands to help me up. Kyler makes sure I'm okay as I start to brush my teeth and she automatically cleans up after I have vomited. I can't stop the smile on my face as I watch her in the mirror, not because she is having to clean up my mess but because she is so loving and caring.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve Kyler but I'm so glad she is mine and I swear I fall in love with her all over again every single day even over the simplest things. When I look at Kyler, I see a woman I adore, who I trust and most of all a woman who I love so very much.

Kyler patiently waits for me to finish brushing my teeth then takes my hand and leads me back to the bed. She climbs into bed first and opens her arms for me. I settle in beside her and lay my head on her chest. She kisses the top of my head and says "let's try to get a few more minutes of sleep and hopefully you will feel better." I snuggle into her as much as possible and wrap my arm around her, holding her tightly as we both drift off back to sleep.

I wake up later and look at the clock. It's now 12:35 and I can't believe we slept that long after getting back into bed this morning. I try to move Kyler's arm that's around me but she tightens her hold. "Where do you think you're going to, love?" She questions as I look at her. From the look on her face, she has been awake for a little while since she looks fully rested.

"It's nearly 1 baby" I whisper as I peck her lips. She smiles against my lips before I pull away. "If I'm keeping my doctor's appointment we need to get up. I'm going to jump in the shower because I feel gross after being sick this morning."

Kyler jumps out of bed and says "go ahead and I will go fix us something to drink and a quick brunch." Before I can say anything, she's out of the bedroom but not before slapping me on the ass. All I can hear is her laughing on her way to the kitchen. I swear she has the most beautiful laugh and it's music to my ears.

After showering and eating the quick brunch Kyler fixed us, we head to my doctor's appointment. I wasn't nervous for the appointment because we already knew the outcome. Once we arrive, Kyler and I walk in hand and hand just like last time. I sign in then sit down with my wife and we continue holding hands.

I look at Kyler and she is already looking at me "I love you" I say as I lean in to kiss her. When I pull away there's a pregnant woman staring at us. She glances between Kyler and I then looks down at our hands. I squeeze my wife's hand and she smiles at me and squeezes my hand in return. I glance back at the pregnant woman and she smiles.

"Lauren James" a nurse calls out so Kyler and I stand up and follow the nurse to an exam room. After taking my vitals, she came back in to draw blood for the blood test. When she finishes, she leaves the room stating the doctor will be in shortly.

A few minutes pass by then there's a knock on the door. Dr. Davis walks in with my chart in hand "hello hello ladies," she says as she enters the exam room and takes a seat on the stool. She looks over the paperwork in the chart then lays the chart down. "Okay, I've got your blood test results Lauren."

Before Dr. Davis can say anything else I quickly say "we already know the results so it's fine. You don't have to try and sugar coat it for us."

Dr. Davis looks at me with a questioning look and Kyler jumps in "what she meant is that we did an at home pregnancy test on the 15th day after the IUI procedure."

Dr. Davis nods her head and says "okay, well then, congratulations momma's to be."