Brian Quinn: A New Man

Chapter 17

Brian was still sitting in front of Jacki's house when Sal pulled up. He'd texted Sal and asked for him to come. Brian was scared. He didn't want to be alone. He'd had enough experience with depression to know when he shouldn't be alone.

"Hey man, do you wanna talk?"

"I don't get it, Sal. We had a great night last night. The sex, it was beautiful. Why did she disappear?"

Brian leaned against his friend and cried. He was grateful for Sal.

"Did you leave her a message or anything?"

"No. Her phone kept going to voice-mail."

"Okay, tell me what happened yesterday."

"She stayed over after my party and made breakfast. Then we watched a couple of Evil Dead movies."

"Hold on, she stayed over?!"

"Yeah, but I was passed out on the couch. When I woke up she was wearing my robe. So we watched a couple movies and then I took her to her place so she could clean up. We went by a building I've been looking at. Then we were in a car accident. Then we went to a bar. Then we went to her place again and we made love. And it was amazing."

"Wait, car accident?"

"Yeah. Not a big thing. Man, I hadn't had sex like that in a long time. It was poetic. We were in sync, we had chemistry, everything was perfect."

They sat in silence for a while. Brian thought that maybe Jacki went to run an errand. But it had already been an hour since he got back to her house. He kept thinking back to that morning, how he hadn't been able to control himself in the bed or in her shower. He had no idea how powerful the intimacy could be when he made love to someone he had grown to care for so much before they slept together.

His heart hurt. He wanted an explanation, he wanted to know why she was gone. But he also knew he had to be on set in a few hours. He had planned on walking in, hand in hand, with Jacki. He had planned on showing everyone that he was with her, that he was committed to her.

"Can I take you home?" Sal's question broke the silence.

"Yeah."

They walked to Sal's car and Brian looked out the window the whole way to his house. He kept replaying the sexual moments, touching Jacki's skin and tasting her cum. He wanted to know she was okay, more than anything. The car pulled up to Brian's house and he went inside to change his clothes.

He got back in the car with Sal and they headed to New Jersey for their show. They were shooting in a grocery store and that meant there would be plenty of food for Brian to gorge on while in his emotional state. When they got to the back of the store the crew were already buzzing around and setting up. The executive producer, Pete, walked over to them.

"Hey guys, just a heads up, Jacki left for California today so we're back to one makeup artist."

Brian couldn't move.

"California??" He hadn't meant for the question to be out loud. Pete turned around.

"Yeah. She got a job on the set of Tacoma FD."

"I had no idea she was up for that."

"Well, I gave her a glowing recommendation. She's driven and hard working. Their other artist had to take leave suddenly and they asked me if we'd be inconvenienced without her. Its a great opportunity for her."

Pete turned around and started talking to some others. Brian wasn't sure what to say, he was dumbfounded. She hadn't mentioned anything about leaving New York. Of course she'd mentioned working on scripted shows or in movies, but he just assumed that meant in New York. Why didn't she call and tell him? Why didn't she say that she wanted to go to California? Maybe she didn't want to hurt him, she knew he was tied to Staten Island.

The next few hours dragged on and Brian worked hard at hiding his sadness. He put Jacki and California out of his mind and focused on the challenge- clipping balloons to shoppers. He lost his round against Murr and didn't even care. He just wanted to talk to Jacki.

"Hey, bud, you okay?" Murr asked while they switched with Joe and Sal.

"Yeah, yeah. Just been a crazy couple days."

"You were pretty out of it at the party, that's for sure."

"I know. I'll be fine."

Murr flashed a look of concern but left Brian alone. The guys knew that if Brian was upset then he was going to talk to Sal.

When filming wrapped for the day Brian got an Uber and went home. He could drink himself to sleep but even that didn't seem appealing. Instead, he got in the shower and cried. When he finished he found his phone and debated on whether or not to call Jacki. He decided to try one last time.

"Brian... hey."

"Hey."

"I don't know what to say..."

"What about why?"

He could hear her sigh on the other end of the phone.

"Brian, would you have let me leave?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you had come back in my house and saw me packing, would you really have let me get on the plane?"

She was right. He wouldn't have let her go. He would have asked her to stay.

"Brian, I spent too long being what someone else wanted me to be. And I need to figure out if this is what I really want."

"And what about me? You don't want me?"

"I do, but I need to do this for me, Brian."

He understood, he did. He wanted to be selfish but knowing everything she had been through, how she was having to restart her career, he couldn't ask her to consider him.

"I know."

"Brian, you need to know, last night and this morning, that was all amazing. I had no idea that sex could be like that. You made me feel so good and I just, I won't ever forget that."

He hung up the phone after saying a simple "Goodbye, Jacki". On one hand he was grateful that she felt that everything between them had been special. But he also hoped that maybe one day she'd come back to him.