✓ DEAD POEMS | taekook

AUTHORS NOTE... roll the end credits.

so, i wanted to put all of the cards on the table and be brutally honest.

i don't think i can put the journey of writing this story into words, but i'll try.

the last chapter took me almost 4 months to write, only 1.5k words but 4 months of writing (in my defence, i have been working on like 7 different stories in the meantime), i'm still not sure if the cause was writer's block, or if it was just me not being able to let go. i think it comes down to the letting go thing, i've had to let go of a lot of things lately, people, places, interests.

as you all probably know, at least if you've read the notes at the ends of the chapters you'd know that my grandpa passed away a few months ago, literally 4 days into me starting college. i've never had anyone close to me die before, at least not since like 15 years ago when i was 2, i'd always imagined letting go, because i knew he was here on borrowed time, but nothing compared to how it was really like, my grandpa lived 200 meters away from me, he used to come down every morning before i left for school, without missing a single day, even if he was sick, or if his legs were killing him with pain (he had really bad arthritis in literally his whole body), and sometimes i still take myself in waiting for him to come down, he just never does :/ he's the one who used to tell me stories, and he's the only one i've ever shared my love for writing with. he's actually the only one who knew about this profile, and the only one i've ever shared my achievements with. i'm anxious as a person, especially when it comes to sharing things i like, so i never actually wanted to publish anything i had ever written, because i was scared of critique, of my passion getting killed from it. but he was the one who encouraged me, and told me "what could go wrong? as long as you're writing what you want no one can take you down, why would their opinion matter? i'm here, and i think you're fantastic, it'd be a shame if no one else ever got to experience it. what if just one person enjoyed your stories, wouldn't that be enough?"

what if one person enjoyed your stories, wouldn't that be enough? at the time i thought he was being ridiculous, but then i experienced it, i'd post a chapter, go to bed, and wake up to encouraging messages.

i was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety almost two years ago, and the doctors weren't willing to help me, because they told me i was too young, and that i was using social media too much when in reality, i was too scared to post on instagram (still am), and i had 2 people on my best friends list on snapchat, so that argument from her fell short, and every time, i tried to express the way i was feeling, someone would look at me straight in the face and tell me my life was too good for me to be sad, and that i didn't have a valid reason. no one was willing to help me, and i didn't know how to help myself, instead, i'd just put my earphones in, turn up the music and stare at my walls for hours on end, sometimes through the whole night, in hopes of you feeling something, not a lot, just enough for me to feel like i was alive, that i was real.

anyways, my point is, you guys were the ones who saved me, you have been the one to encourage me whenever i want to give up, to disappear, you have been the one to stay, to tell me i was enough, and i'm so thankful. i wish there was more i could do, especially because i've never been good at expressing myself.

so thank you, thank you for (hopefully) loving dead poems, and thank you for staying with me, even though the wait has been long at times.

i love you guys so much.

if you're ever struggling please reach out, please remember you're worth so much more than what your brain tells you. you're worth the smiles, the love, the food, everything. literally, everything in the world, if there's something you want to do, do it. life is too short for us to be held back.

take a few deep breaths.

love, emma.
i hope to see you again one day in the future :) my next project should be published soon, i just need to make up my mind about what i want to do. <3