One Day At A Time

Chapter Forty-Seven: A Talk On Sunday Afternoon

Donna goes back home after finishing her conversation with Louise.

When she gently pushes Ava's bedroom door open, she sees Ava and Lilly lying together, both of them dressed and on top of the blankets.

Lilly sits up a little bit, looking at Donna both eagerly and incredibly anxiously.
"What did she say?" Lilly asks quickly.

"She said she wants to apologize. She listened to me." Donna tells her.

Lilly doesn't believe it at first, she really does not believe that her mom listened to someone, let alone apologize for anything.

She looks at Donna, dumbfounded.
"She said that? She wants to apologize?"
Donna nods her head.
"Yes, she really did say that."

Lilly just... looks at Donna for a moment in disbelief.

She almost can't fathom the idea of her mom apologizing to her.
She'll believe it's real when she sees it for herself.

But nonetheless, Lilly thanks Donna.

"I can't believe you got her to listen to you." She starts with, then she pauses, her face turning from dumbfounded into worrisome. "So, it's... safe for me to go home, then?"

With a sympathetic look in her eyes, Donna says,
"Yes, you can go whenever you'd like. I can take you home."

Lilly looks at Ava and she thinks for a moment.
"I think I'm gonna go home now, okay?"
"Okay. I know you'll be okay." She says, smiling slightly.

Ava looks up at her mom for a brief second and it's enough of a look for Donna to step out of the room, giving the two girls a quick moment to themselves.

"I know I'll be okay, Ava. But, thank you. You've helped me a lot... with this, you've helped me believe in myself, so, thank you."

Lilly's voice is sincere, but it is also hopeful now.

She doesn't want to get too hopeful, but she lets herself have some hope in her heart.

She gives Ava a tight goodbye hug along with a quick goodbye kiss.

"I love you." Ava tells her before she leaves the room.
"I love you, too."

They smile at each other for a second and the hope in Lilly's heart grows a little bit more.

The ride to her house is quiet, for Lilly is figuring out what she wants to say to her mom and wondering what her mom's apology to her will sound like.
Both thoughts are going off in her head at the same time.

But soon enough, she arrives home, where Donna smiles at her warmly and wishes her luck.

Lilly goes into her house and Louise is on the couch in the living room, sitting up straight.

Lilly feels a deep breath go in and out of her lungs as she says,
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi. Sit down, I want to talk." Louise says, gesturing to the couch.

Lilly, almost cautiously, steps towards the couch.
She knows an apology is on it's way, but she won't let her guard down.
Not yet, at least.

"I'm sorry." Louise starts with a sigh. "I am really, truly sorry for last night. I acted, so, so awfully, and I, well, I treated you like shit."

She's only heard a few words so far, but Lilly can't believe this is real.
She can't believe her mom is actually apologizing to her, even though she knew it would happen.

"I talked it over with Donna and I came to the... pretty stupid realization of why I acted like that, why I act like it a lot..."
"How is it stupid?" Lilly asks her curiously.

Louise tells her what she told Donna, that she truthfully worries a lot and how she deals with her worry with anger, and how she knows it isn't right.

And as Lilly listens to it, it's surreal.

"I love you, Lilly. I don't want to hurt you. I obviously have a lot to work on and I can start now. I want you to be happy, that's all I want." Louise says, looking at Lilly sincerely.

"I want to be happy, too. My friends make me happy, Ava makes me happy."
"I know they do, I know, and it was wrong of me to... slanderize them like I did. They're all good kids, they don't deserve that."

Jeez, Donna should talk to Louise more often.

"Thank you for saying that. They really don't deserve that." Lilly says, her voice soft and steady.

Lilly has a million things she wants to say and the first thing that comes out is,
"So, are you okay with Ava and I, um, being together?"

She subconsciously feels herself tense up when her mom clears her throat after a minute of thought.

"Yes, I'm okay with it. But, I have to ask, you... aren't- are you-"
"No, no we aren't. Please don't worry about that." Lilly spits out hastily.

She doesn't want to have this awkward conversation right now with her mom, but, in a way, she's glad that her mom can ask a question related to it without looking bitter or disgusted, like every other time anything remotely mature or queer or mature and queer was brought up.

"Okay, okay, I understand." Louise tells her, then refocuses herself. "I am truly sorry for the other night. I want to be better, okay? I want to be a better mom to you. Do you believe me?"

Lilly sits with those words for few moments.

Years of damage and hurt can't be mended overnight, both of them know this.

But if Louise is genuinely willing to better herself, treat Lilly better and work on herself and her deeply-rooted issues, then Lilly is willing to slowly start to trust her, to build their relationship up again, to start healing.

"I believe you." She tells her and for the first time in a good while, she smiles softly at her mom.

Louise softly smiles back at her, then hugs her for a long minute or so.

As they hug, Lilly can feel something being ever-so-slowly lifted out of her chest.

It will take a long, long time for the something, be it anger, sadness, the affects of her trauma, or all of those things, to lift out of her chest completely.

But she can heal, she can heal with time, with work.