The Deep End

Chapter 23

•Riot•

I feel like I'm only a moment away from my breaking point. Like if one tiny thing goes wrong the demon hiding within my flesh will rip its way out and wreck the world around me, leaving nothing but blood and ash in its wake. I've tried to reign it in around Giovanni, him being distracted by Nolani has turned out to be a blessing. Before her he would've seen straight through the facade I'd been wearing and I'd have too many questions to answer.

The decision has been made, I know what we have to do but I haven't managed to follow through with it yet. I've become a coward, something I never expected. My father would roll over in his grave if he knew about my dilemma. Or maybe he would understand, I'll never know because I can't ask him but I also can't find it in me to care.

Most of the family are flying to Sicily in the morning. Zia Caterina is throwing Zio Alonzo a birthday party in a couple days and most don't want to miss it. I'm supposed to fly out in the morning too but I decided to hang back a day. I have one more bit of evidence I wanted to gather before I unloaded my intel on Giovanni. I knew without solid evidence he would never believe me and while my evidence isn't as solid as I'd like it to be I think it's a good enough start to make him suspicious and for him to take my concerns seriously.

Much to Luca's dismay I've decided to bring Polina to Sicily with us. He thinks it's a horrible idea, mainly because there's only three places we can stay without raising suspicion. Giovanni's, Mamma's or Zio Alonzo and Zia Catalina's. All three options would make it hard to keep her a secret but if we stayed elsewhere my family would put their nose in my business in an attempt to sniff out what I'm hiding. Giovanni's and Mammas would be impossible even with Polina wearing a disguise, there'd be too many questions and I'm not sure how long she could manage to use an American accent without tripping up accidentally. Alonzo and Catalina won't question her but their house will be crawling with members of the family during the party. Convincing her to stay in our room would be easy if I warned her of the repercussions so I know it will ultimately be the option I'll choose.

Today Luca and I have a surprise for Polina, one last memory to make until we screw everything up. She has no idea about our decision. Luca thinks we should discuss it with her but I worry she would disagree and fight against it. It could cause her to act recklessly and I can't have that. This is the only option where the outcome doesn't end in her death, the only one I'll even attempt.

"You expect me to act normal, act like you aren't going to rip all of our hearts out when we get back from Sicily?" Luca questions, hurt contorting the features of his handsome face as he looks over at me from the passenger seat.

We've been home for twenty minutes now but neither of us had made the move to exit the car. We'd both gone silent, staring into space and thinking about what the next few days held for us. I'm sure Luca spent most of the time mentally cursing me. I worried our relationship wouldn't be the same after this. If he isn't there to keep me anchored what would happen?

"This is our only option. What else would you have me do? Do you think I want to do this anymore than you want me to? I don't. It's killing me but we have no other choice." I snap, anger slipping over my body like a shirt I'd outgrown years ago. Familiar but uncomfortably tight. A deep breath fills my lungs before exhaling through my nose as I force the unwelcome feelings away. "I don't expect you to pretend. Treat it like you would as if change wasn't coming, enjoy it because soon the way she views us will change."

He purses his lips but doesn't reply. He knows I'm right, he knows that I've studied this from every angle only to come back to the same conclusion each and every time.

I reach over and grasp him by the nape of his neck, pulling him toward me. "I'm sorry." I murmur the words against his lips feeling as if I've driven my knife down my abdomen and let my guts spill out on the console separating us.