MOON • bts

22

Back at the dorm, Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung, and I were sitting at the dining table, eating a meal that Jimin and I cooked together.

It was silent, apart from the occasional conversation to pass around the bowls of food. We had been told that Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok would be home tomorrow, but would still require quite a bit of recovery. Namjoon, however, still was not improving.

Somehow, Jimin and I got Taehyung and Jungkook to eat, promising them desert if they did. The boys were very inconsistent with their emotions, rightfully so given the current situation, but while sometimes they would get the strength to come out of their room and talk, a lot of the time they would prefer staying in their rooms, silent. Most days it would only be Jimin and I talking.

The last couple of months have been a complete blur for me. I was going to the hospital every day, hoping that I would finally see Namjoon wake up. I started out with a lot of optimism, but it had slowly been disappearing seeing as Namjoon's condition had not improved very much.

For the most part, my attachment to Namjoon was not known, only by the boys who were in the hospital, because they saw me every day. I was still grappling with this newfound information from myself.

"Chaewon, Taehyung and I will do the dishes, you can go take some rest, thank you for making the meal." Jimin began to collect the plates.

"Okay, thank you Jimin Oppa." I searched his face for a reaction. Ever since the whole argument about honorifics, I had dropped the whole "ssi" thing, but it was still uncertain territory for me to get used to. Jimin just smiled back.

I headed back to my room, and on the way there, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Chaewon. I just wanted to inform you, work for the upcoming album has been completely canceled. You don't need to work on anything more. PD-nim has offered to let you stay in your apartment, he had been told by the hospital staff that you have been bringing food to the boys everyday." It was Hyejin.

"Ah- thank you, Unni. Is there any update on Namjoon-ssi?"

"Still no update, sorry. He is more or less the same." Her voice gave out halfway through the sentence.

"I see. Thank you, Unni."

"Sure. I will hang up now."

Knock Knock

"Come in." I called.

Taehyung walked in.

"Chaewonie?" I smiled softly at the nickname. He continued. "I wanted to talk to you." He looked down at his fingers. I took his arm and guided him to my bed, where we both sat next to each other. I nodded, as if encouraging him to continue.

"This whole situation, it reminds me of my Grandma. When I lost her, it was really hard for a very long time. It still is. When I think about her, I get sad, and now, when I think about Namjoon hyung, it is the same feeling." He looked up at me. My eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't exactly sure what to say. I wasn't the best in comforting people. Taehyung cleared his throat, but it couldn't hide the fact that newly formed tears began to drop from his eyes. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Actually, it reminds me of my Grandma too. And my sister." Taehyung looked up at me in surprise. I continued.

"My Grandma passed also, and that was really hard because I didn't see her often. She lived in Korea. She was always my biggest fan." I smiled at the thought. "But my sister. Oh man. That one was extremely hard. I started writing music after she passed." I stopped.

Realizing that Taehyung was probably curious about why she died but didn't want to ask, I explained.

"She was diagnosed with cancer early on. She actually lived longer than the doctors predicted, and you'd think that would give us time to prepare, but when it happened I was still caught off guard." Taehyung picked up my hand from his shoulder and held it in his.

We sat in silence for the next ten minutes.

"I'm sorry about your lo-" I cut Taehyung off.

"No, it's okay. I'm grateful for the time I had with her." Taehyung nodded. I urged Taehyung to share his feelings.

"Yeah, when my Grandma passed it was really hard. We were extremely close, she basically raised me too. I made the mistake of making public, I think. I wanted to share with my fans who are like my family, without realizing how it could backfire. But when I see Namjoon hyung like that it scares me because what if.." Taehyung voice trailed off at the end.

I nodded. "It will be hard. Why would it not be? Your brother is in the hospital, and there's still so much uncertainty. But, we're forced to survive, and to hold on to some hope. Despair brings hope."

You should write that down." Taehyung let out, though tears were still falling from his eyes. I smiled. "Already have."

We both stood up, and before I could say anything, Taehyung grabbed me and engulfed me in a hug.

"Thank you, Chaewonie. I don't know what we would do without you."