Pride and Hate with Benefits [COMPLETED]

Chapter 35 - Dance, dance... dance

Ellie

The second time I read the letter is on the plane heading back. My head is pounding and I can't take in anything of what he has written.

As soon as I return to the apartment, I spend a couple of hours online, looking up articles on the accident. There isn't much, but what I find agrees with D's story.

Not once have I felt unsafe with him. He always respected me in the bedroom and out of it.

I read the letter again. And again.

Lydia returns from her holiday. Luckily, she's preoccupied with herself, and doesn't notice anything is wrong. I listen to her describe the hotel they stayed at and the suggestions they made to her friend's dad. Meanwhile, my thoughts are on the letter.

When she heads out to a party, I call Jenna.

"Happy new year!" Jenna answers.

"Happy new year. Are you busy?" I lay down on the sofa in the living room.

"No. My dad and Camilla are going out tonight, but I decided to stay in and watch some movies. So I'm all yours. What's wrong?"

I take a deep breath. And pull a pillow into my arms. "I've sort of been seeing someone."

"Who? For how long?"

"I've been sleeping with D."

"D? But you don't even get along with him. Do you?"

"Jenna."

"I'm not judging. You know I don't. I just didn't know you liked him."

"I didn't. It was just sex."

"Did something happen?"

I explain the situation as best I can, without mentioning that he was the one responsible for breaking her and Julian up.

"I don't understand," Jenna says. "Why don't you want to be with him anymore?"

"He did something that I don't know if I can forgive."

"Something bad?"

"Yes."

"Illegal?"

"No."

"Did he do it to be mean?"

"No. Not really." I take a deep breath. "I think he thought he was protecting a friend."

"Ellie, I don't know what he did. I barely know D, but I know Julian wouldn't be friends with him if he was a bad guy."

"But what he did was bad, Jenna."

"Does he regret it?"

"I think so."

"Maybe he just made a mistake?"

"Maybe."

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"No. I don't think so. I don't know."

"Do you want to see him again? Are you going to the next dance class?"

I pause.

Dance class will resume on Saturday. And he will be there. I know he will. And that means I'll see him again. I could stay away. I could call Irina and say it doesn't work for me. But can I?

"Yes," I say. I want to see him again.

"Well, I don't think he's a bad guy. And if you want to see him, then you should."

"I still haven't forgiven him." There's a weight in my chest and I struggle to take a deep breath.

"That's ok."