𝑺𝑳𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑬𝑹 - 𝐤𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫 { ✓ }

49

lee's POV
(tw : mentions of sexual assault & detailed descriptions of manipulation / gaslighting)

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"you can trust me. i promise." kit says. the sound of his voice tempts me to trust him. to confide in him with something only joe knows about.

that small part of me that's edging to open up to kit wins. i give in to it and begin talking.

"his name was nolan..."

☆ ★ ☆

"you're gorgeous, lee." nolan said, running a hand through my hair.

the loving look in his eyes almost made me believe him. but i knew he was lying. i knew that this was another one of his schemes to try and get me back into his grasp.

"stop." i snapped at him, smacking his hand away from me. tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but i didn't let them. "you hurt me."

"i apologized." he told me, his voice beginning to raise a little. "what don't you understand about that?"

i shook my head. "i don't forgive you. i said i didn't want to sleep with you yet. i said wasn't ready. i told you i was a virgin."

he took a step closer to me, "lee-"

"stop!" i screamed as tears streamed down my cheeks, falling from my jaw to the floor. "don't come any closer!"

the memory of his hands exploring my body as i sobbed and tried to get him off of me flood my mind.

"baby," nolan cooed, forcibly taking my hand and pulling me into an unwanted hug. he cages me in his arms, leaving me feeling helpless and alone. "i love you, you know that. that's the whole reason why i wanted to have sex with you in the first place."

my eyes widened. i told myself that he must really love me. that i was just being weird since it was my first time. that this was all normal.

"it's okay if you don't love me." nolan said as he ran his hand down my back, getting closer and closer to my ass. "if you don't love me enough to sleep with me, that's okay. that's fine. i get it. i'm not very attractive, anyway."

"what?" i breathe. "yes you are!"

"really?" he asked, a hopeful glint sparkling in his eye. "you think i'm attractive?"

"you're very attractive." i told him beginning to feel bad about being so rude earlier.

"if you truly think that, why weren't you happy to have sex with me?" he asked again. the saddened look on his face made my heart crumble. "it had to have been because you don't love me the way i love you."

"of course i love you, nolan!" i told him. "i love you a lot."

"prove it."

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i know that my relationship with nolan was toxic but the more i remember the things that happened, the more i realize how horrible it truly was.

just by explaining what had happened, i feel a sudden urge to start crying. but i don't.

kit pulls me into a hug. not a forced one like nolan used to do — which made me feel like i was trapped by him. but one that makes me feel safe and secure and loved.

i feel my body tremble in kit's arms as i feel tears begin to form in my eyes. he cradles my head, holding me tightly. like i would melt away from him if he were to let go.

"i'm so so proud of you, lee." kit says. "you've come so far." i notice that his voice wavers a bit. almost like he's on the verge of crying, too. 

i pick up my head and look at him. and sure enough, there are tears in his eyes. the sight of him nearly crying is my final straw.

tears roll down my cheeks, soaking my skin. and i can't stop them. they just continue to fall, despite how much i'm yelling at myself to stop crying.

i think kit notices i'm trying to stop myself from sobbing because he grabs my chin and makes me look at him, "it's okay, lee. i won't judge you. it's normal to get emotional about something like this."

he rubs his thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear.

i nod, unable to speak — like my voice is refusing to make a sound — then i cry. unapologetically. almost like i've been harboring in all of these feelings for years.

as many years it's been since i first met nolan. no. no, i don't want to think about him. i want my memories with him to be erased from my mind. so instead, i focus on kit.

just the feeling of his arms wrapped around me makes me feel so safe. like nothing else in the world matters except for us.

i love kit in a way that i can't describe.

it's not the same way i loved nolan. or the same way i love my moms. it's also not the same way i love joe or yaz.

i feel like kit took my heart from me a created an entirely new category of love for him. and just for him.

☆ ★ ☆

sorry for the consistent sadness in the recent chapters guys but i promise it'll get much happier soon !!!

and if there's a plus side to the trauma, it's that their bond skyrocketed 📈📈📈📈 even more

ALSO it might just be me but i'm a literal slut for a nice ol' trauma dump where the love interest is left like " :o " so i just HAD to add it in my story, sorry babes