Unexpected//ZeeNunew

Platonic

"If you still don't believe me, let's call my friends."

I placed my hand on him as he reached for his phone.

"No, there's no need."

"What do you want me to do? If you want I'll explain in more detail. Take my phone, look inside it. In my message box, in the call section."

He tried to leave his phone to my hand.

"Just stop Zee!"

I said raising my voice.

"Then what should I do, what should I do?! What more can I do for you to believe?!"

He had also raised his voice. He paused for a few seconds and looked to my face.

I couldn't look into his eyes.

He raised his eyebrows.

"You like him, don't you? You like Josh. Yeah, just like in first grade of university."

My eyes opened in surprise. I was praying he didn't know.

How?

It was impossible for him to know about this...

"How do you know I liked him in freshman year?" I said with my shocked voice.

He laughed nervously and turned his face to the car's window.

"His polaroid photos in your school locker, parts of your books scribbled with his name, and his name on top of your social media searches..."

I felt like I was going crazy. No one knew what he was saying but me.

How could he have known?

"Did you think you'd only caught my attention for a month or something, Nunew? Such a simple thought. Why do you think I hate Josh? Why did I go crazy when I saw him with you? You like him before and also now..."

I spoke to him, "No, no. Not now."

He narrowed his eyes and looked towards me.

"Why then, Nunew? You both shared the same view last night. You both came to the party together today. Come on, don't fool me."

When I dared to look into his eyes, I saw that they were filled.

Mine were starting to fill up too.

It was like I was frozen.

When did we fall in love like this?

It was as if a substance was entering my body that had never entered before. It was the first time, but I immediately accepted it.

It was like this feeling was numbing me, taking over my whole body, and my mind.

I was afraid, for always needing this feeling, never being able to leaving it, losing it.

This thing, which I did not know what it was, had imprisoned me.

Would I like to be saved?

No.

When I was ready for talking, I gathered myself up and started to say the things that come to my tongue.

"I'm not deceiving you, Zee. Don't come down me, I'm shocked to learn everything. I'm confused about what and whom to believe. But there's nothing between me and Josh. That day, when I wasn't home, he came over to house. We chatted and he wanted to kiss me. But I didn't let him. It didn't matter much anyway because it's long past when I was platonic with him. He can be my friend but nothing more."

As I spoke, his eyes came out from my lips to mine and he said quietly, "Why didn't you let him to kiss you?" he simply said.

He was right. Why didn't I let him?

There were times when I was waiting for that moment with great eagerness. I tried so that Josh could notice me, to talk, get to know each other better.

What has changed now?

I didn't know the answers either.

"I don't know." I just said in the same silence as him.

"If you have feelings for him and you're going to think about it again, like before, I want to know about it." He said, looking straight ahead.

"How?" I said, trying to understand what he meant.

"To be honest, Nunew, if you're going to have an affair with him, I can't stay in the same house with you."

What was he trying to mean?

Would he hate me if I was with someone else?

"Why, Zee?" I could say.

"Because the very thought of you being with someone else is driving me crazy, how can I sleep in your next room knowing that? How can I do that, Nunew? How can I pretend that nothing happened while I'm eating at the same table with you, walking past you in the hallway, getting something from the fridge in that kitchen? Every time I look into your eyes, I want you more."

His eyes had different meanings than before, his speech was also different..

I was hearing his breath and rain sounds coming from outside, dropping to windows of car.

When did it become a sad and romantic scene?

I wanted to say something too, as if my silence was unfair to both of us, but I didn't know what to say.

I didn't realize that he felt this way towards me. I thought everything we'd been through was just that.

Maybe I had deliberately deceived myself because I was afraid that our feelings were not mutual.

It was as if my feelings were coming out as he said it.

Everything that I had accumulated and buried in a corner of my heart was sprouting again.