They don't know (I've waited all my life)

chapter 11

Carina DeLuca had always learned to be independent, always taking care of others and never letting anyone do the same for her. It was all she knew how to do, living with a bipolar father who would occasionally have manic episodes, she'd learned to grow up taking care of herself. But that was until Maya Bishop had walked into her life.

She didn't know she could let herself go, let herself fall completely knowing someone would catch her, until Maya had stood with her arms open saying she would catch Carina no matter what, and now whenever the doctor needed a safe space to fall apart Maya was always there, always ready to hold her up and to comfort her.

So today when Carina had woken up feeling especially terrible before her shift at the hospital, she'd made an impulsive decision to visit Maya at the station, something she had yet to do since they had both moved here. She knew that usually a phone call with they blonde would've done the job, except something had recently changed, and after their appointment at the hospital almost 3 weeks ago now, Carina needed physical reassurance and comfort, something she would've gotten had she woken up in her wife's arms but going to the station would have to be the next best option.

Also since the night at Joe's a month ago she'd gotten quite close to Vic and might've promised the woman a box of her infamous lasagna (Maya may have called it almost orgasmic while the two had been drinking) and so the brunette decided that it would be like hitting two birds with one rock? She wasn't really sure how that expression went... but she decided she could just ask Maya about it later.

The Italian decided to drop her wife a text so that she wasn't entirely taken by surprise before picking out her clothes and jumping in the shower. She was about halfway through when she heard her phone go off twice in quick succession. She figured it was probably Maya's reply but when she finished and reached for her phone her texts to Maya remained unanswered.

All she saw was a text from Andrea asking her if he'd messed up nonna's recipe followed by a picture of him next to what she could only assume was ravioli. She let out a big smile, not realizing that she'd started tearing up before she felt herself sniffle.

These hormones were really messing with her brain.

She quickly wiped them away and texted him back telling him to throw whatever that was away and that she would come over after her shift tomorrow to teach him properly. She didn't say this was mostly because she was missing him, hence the tears, but she knew that they both needed it for different reasons.

Her mind wandered back to Maya when she saw that her texts had remained unanswered so she guessed that her wife was probably occupied. She thought about texting Vic to ask the woman if they were still at the station, debating it as she made her way to her car, before giving in and firing off two quick texts.

Vic almost instantly replied saying that they'd just gotten called out but that Maya was probably cooped up in her office like she had been when they left, which calmed Carina a little knowing how sometimes her wife could get lost in paperwork and forget to check her phone. The fact that the station was also mostly empty was oddly comforting knowing that she wouldn't run into anyone unwanted.

Carina parked her car outside the station looking up at the building for the second time in her life, the first being when her and Maya had just moved to Seattle and her wife had pointed at the building in passing while showing Carina around the familiar city, pointing out things from her past, things that had changed and things that stayed the same.

Maya had pointed at the building then with sadness and longing, and Carina knew she was using all her force to not just walk inside that minute, but also closing not to ignore it for Carina's sake. Not that the Italian would've judged her if Maya had just driven right past without ever uttering a word, but she was glad Maya didn't because now Carina knew exactly where to go and she was thankful for the fact that she didn't get lost.