They don't know (I've waited all my life)

epilogue

6 minutes since the fire

Maya's heart was hammering in her chest, all she could hear was the high-pitched ringing and the sound of tires on the road, and the faint but there the sound of her wife's heartbeat as she held on to Carina. She's going to be okay, Carina's going to be okay, My wife's going to be okay. If she repeated the word okay enough it would start sounding true because she couldn't stand it if it was anything but. The thought made her shake her head and grip on to her wife's hand tighter, her wife who'd passed out seconds after Maya had brought her out of the building and was yet to open her eyes.

The blonde placed a steady hand on Carina's belly wanting to feel closer to the brunette, to her baby, their baby, but it was too early and Carina wasn't showing Maya knew this, knew she wouldn't be able to feel anything yet but just keeping her hand there and to feel the warmth coming off Carina helped her slow her racing thoughts down.

She felt numb as the aid car came to a sudden halt outside Seattle Pres and the back doors opened once again to reveal a wide-eyed Travis looking at her with so much pain and understanding Maya didn't know how to take it, She's going to be okay, Carina's going to be okay, My wife's going to be okay. Our baby's going to be okay.

There it was, that new feeling of worrying for her unborn child too. In the back of her mind Maya knew it was just smoke inhalation and Carina's chances for recovery were good they were good but there was the matter of her wife being barely 11 weeks pregnant, there was the matter of carbon monoxide and cyanide poisoning while her wife wasn't even through her first trimester.

Maya didn't know what to do, for a moment she wished Carina would've been selfish for once in her life, that she would've gotten herself out sooner, but she knew her wife and her selfless nature, knew that she would've done the same thing to help someone else and then the guilt had sweeped in, i should've been faster.

She knew if Carina knew she would slap Maya over the head and call her stupida and make her apologize but she couldn't help it, seeing her wife like this-

"Battalion Chief Bishop?" the voice shook her out of her spiral. Maya hadn't realized it but she'd somehow made her way to the trauma room still standing near Carina's gurney with her wife's hand held tightly in hers. The man who'd just called her name was looking at the joined hands and then back at her waiting for her to disconnect them so he could work on her wife.

She felt a hand on her shoulder pulling her back but she resisted it wanting to be near Carina "Maya let's let the doctors work okay? We'll stand right outside, you can see her from the window okay?" It was Travis, his voice wavering slightly and she nodded her head giving in and walking out with him, putting her hands around him as he held onto her the moment they were outside, giving her space to cry and let it all out, all the while her eyes remained fixed on Carina.

...

6 hours since the fire

Maya didn't remember much that had happened in the hours that had passed as she sat next to her wife's bed holding her hand as the Italian slept peacefully, her heart rate slow and steady. She'd only woken up once since Maya had brought her in, a sleepy look at Maya who'd kissed her head and nodded as if to say rest, and Carina had agreed, giving in as sleep overcame her.

The Battalion Chief would never be the first person to admit to this but she felt shaken up by this morning's events. She couldn't believe she'd left her house yesterday for a 36-hour shift expecting to hold her wife in her arms for the first time in 3 days by the end of it. She had held Carina in her arms, but unlike the image in her head, it hadn't been in the comfort of their bed at home.