Love me, Luna

17

My hand flies to my mouth in shock. As I go to respond I'm stopped by the awkward cough that comes from the other end of the line.

"Listen. You know I'll always love you, but let's be honest, college was going to pull us apart anyways. As shitty as that sounds, it's the truth." I hear sniffles before he continues. "We lived, what, three hours from each other and I didn't even have enough time to call my girlfriend."

"Tristan." I try to reason but he cuts me off.

"No, please listen to me for a second. I've never understood your emotions. I tried, I swear I did, but Hadley from what I've learned he feels what you feel. That's something I'll never be able to do for you. Maybe, maybe you always felt alone because I wasn't the right person for you." He whispers the last part, but I'm still in shock from what he just said to respond.

Here I thought the boy I had loved in high school was going to be my endgame. I admit, not hearing from him was painful, but not as painful as hearing that he thought we wouldn't work. I should feel pain, I should be crying and beg for him to understand. Instead I feel red hot rage. A rage that was itching to explode, so I let it.

"You're telling me that whole time you thought we weren't going to work out? Is that what I'm hearing?" I shout as I push away from the table, throwing my chair back in the process.

"Lee just let me." Tristan starts to say but I cut him off this time.

"No, I'm tired of people not listening to me! Answer this one thing and be fucking honest, did you love me Tristan? Did you actually think we would never work?" I pace back and forth in the dining room and kick the chair that was knocked over.

A second goes by and he still hasn't said anything which sends me even more over the edge.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Tristan! Were you already thinking about breaking up with me before you came back down? Or had you been mulling this over before I even left for fucking college?" I'm still shouting, and I'm surprised Alec hasn't torn his way through the house to see what's wrong. I wonder what he's feeling from me now? Anger? Sadness?

"Lee." I cut him off again.

"Don't." I wipe away the angry tears that have began pouring down my face. "Don't call me that, because the boy I thought loved me called me that and this...this is not him. So answer the question, I need to hear it."

"I'd thought about it okay, I thought about it before we left." I'm not sure how my anger could have grown, but I relish it. "But I wanted to give it a chance. Once that first month went by, I thought about talking to you, I swear. But then you called me so upset and I just couldn't do that to you."

"You couldn't do what to me? Tell me the truth? Is that why you took so long to call?" I wait for the answer I want, no I need. I need him to tell me that his reasoning was the same. That he had been busy with moving, because it'll break me if the answer is anything but.

"I..I..I wanted to call, but I was scared I'd hurt you. I wasn't lying that I was busy at first, I swear I was." He lied to me. He told me that he had been going through so much with getting a new roommate that I had believed him. "Nola, I explained what I was thinking and she.."

"Who the fuck is Nola?" I seethe.

"My..my other roommate. I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was a girl, I didn't want you to freak out. And then she started helping me figure everything out in my head and I swear I was going to tell you. I swear."

"Tristan, did you cheat on me?" My body slumps to the ground and I sit on my knees with one hand grasping the floor. It's the only thing keeping me grounded, both literally and mentally.

"I...I.. you know I love you Lee, I mean Hadley." He stutters out and that's the answer I needed to hear before I hastily push the end call button.

I stare at my phone in my hands before loudly crying out and throwing my phone across the room. I wish I could say it shattered into a million pieces, but my phone case was heavy duty. It was a phone case Tristan bought me as a joke, because I stayed cracking my phone.

I pick myself off of the ground before running toward my phone and ripping the phone case off. I chuck the phone on the ground and start kicking it. It brings me a small amount of relief to the pain I'm feeling, but it's not enough. I pick the phone back up and chuck it at a nearby wall. That causes it to shatter more and with one last look I walk out of the back door Alec had lead me in, phone case in hand.

I make my way to the lake and once I get there I let out a painful scream, then sink to the ground ripping up clumps of grass.

I've felt more pain in the last couple of months than I have ever felt, but nothing compares to heartache. It's not the fact I'll never see Tristan again, but the fact he cheated on me when all this time I thought he loved me.

I stare across the lake and want nothing more than to feel as calm as the waters look. I reach for the phone case and throw it in the water along with the anklet Tristan had gotten me for my birthday.

I'll never be able to trust again.

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DOUBLE POST
Thoughts on Tristan? Lover boy turned cheater smh