Starry Night Thoughts

My adventure into Margaritahell

You heard me.

And no, this is not a drinking adventure gone wrong, just bear with me.

And yes, I am above the legal drinking age.

Location- wise, on this planet, I live in the south of the United States. It's not quite 'Florida Man' south, nor is it Hillbilly version of south. It's more 'hey y'all watch this' south. Yes, there is a difference between all of those in terms of experiences, locations, and climate. Some of those differences are drastic.

The past few years, a group friends and I have been lucky enough to go up to Tennessee and stay a few days. It winds up being towards the Dollywood part of Tennessee, where there's a city called Pigeon Forge that, when you ride through, is pretty much the very definition of a tourist trap. There are huge buildings and attractions on either side of the road, some looking like a replica of the Titanic, some dinner theater with the Hatfield's and McCoys, an Alcatraz one, I think a fake Medieval Times (wrestling but knights), and a building that's built to look upside down.

That's the area that's closest to Dollywood, a Dolly Parton themed amusement park from what I gather. There are more buildings and businesses too like a Lodge store that sells cast iron skillets and other food things, and across the street from that a bungee jump thingies directly in front of a Guy Fieri Flavortown restaurant that that I'm pretty certain someone was flavor bombed out of existence because an ambulance had to show up and I got some ambulance choking horror stories from my paramedic friend.

Further on down this road, there's a section of pretty mountain that gets hit and then you-- almost literally -- get flashbanged with a town named Gatlinburg.

This place... THIS is the tourist trap.

It sits literally *immediately* after you get out of the Cherokee Mountains on the way toward Tennessee. I've been both that highway and an interstate to get to the area we hang out in, and Cherokee is honestly the more beautiful route. There are small towns, backroads-y areas and the freaking mountains where you look over the side of the railing and realize

There is no ground.

Legitimately beautiful. There are elk. And BEARS.

Gatlinburg is the place that one moment -- going either direction towards it, but especially the Cherokee route-- you are staring at the gorgeous mountains, watching for bears, and listening to your ears place rice crispier treats as they snap crackle pop because of just how high you were and now are not and BOOM. STUFF. Park your car if you dare.

Literally. It's not a huge place but has the entire population of a small country there at one time I think. There are some places that also seem a bit sketchy to park, even if it's in the middle of the walking area.

They have a Ripley's Aquarium that's got a stingray display where they look like they're flying, a knife store that sells custom blades of any time--including swords -- a suspension bridge that has like, four glass panels that you can walk over and see the Cherokee Mountains, a hat store that sells cowboy boots, Celtic shop, candy shop, umpteen fudge shops, more escape rooms out the ears, a car museum, pancakes. Two, uh, stores that I didn't realize until I was in Tennessee the first time were legal there with window displays -- no. Just no.

Best place I've found to go there is a little shop in an area called 'the village ' that sells donuts. Donut Friar is the name and they have a little Friar in their sign. They sell the best eclairs in the face of the universe.

Anyway. Our story begins here, in Gatlinburg. It doesn't end here though, joke's on you.

There are a lot of alcohol stores on that walking strip on Gatlinburg. LOTS of them. The one my friends told me about the first time we went up there is a place that makes root beer whiskey (as it was marketed to me, the non-drinker) called Ole Smokey.