Our complicated love story

Ch.2.2 Pretending

Pretending
Ch.2.2

Theo's pov

I still can't get over what happened yesterday! I really lost my virginity to Nathan Hames of all people! I'm still so embarrassed about yesterday. Never in a million years, I would give up my virginity to him or even do it regardless.

I never thought he had that part in him. He really..made me lose my mind. It's as if all my worries of mine are gone!

As much as it's strange I give in to him, I can't help but say I loved it!

I never thought I would love hooking up with someone that much let alone with Nathan. I don't know why I restrained myself so much from losing my virginity. My worries about getting pregnant shouldn't have retrained me from the pleasure of sex because sex felt like heaven! I must admit I want to do it again!

Ok, I know the risks involved but I worried for nothing, it was one time and everything is fine as Nathan says.

Nonetheless, those last few days were exceptional circumstances I never deemed possible.

I just don't know what it is all about. I'm so confused. Yesterday just happened...It's as if I lost all sense of reality last night and I think I still feel the effects of it, like an ass that hurts. Though, I don't know why I'm letting him do that in the first place...

I've hated him for the past 9 years or so but suddenly we are hooking up together as if all those years never happened!

My feelings towards Nathan are all over the place, I'm so confused. I just thought it was a phase where I just needed to get laid but ever since we did it last night, I just can't help but think of him.

It's all so confusing. I don't know what last night meant. Was it mutual? Was he only playing with my feelings? I hope not because I badly fell for it. That would be horrible if he did.

I have many questions left unanswered and I don't know what to do about it. I've never felt that way.

Like, does he really like me or did he just want my body? Is last night gonna happen again? Is this gonna go somewhere? Are we going to start dating?

Ugh, I don't know. I'm all new to this! I just don't know what to do. Is he as confused as I am? Does he want this as much as I want to? I genuinely don't know. I just wish I can see him again and clarify all this mess.

I wish I could ask someone for some advice or something but it's not like I can. I can't just say that to Brooke. She'll be horrified. I haven't come out to her yet...Only Nathan knows...

Regardless, she still hasn't forgiven him for what he did in the past to her. She got her heart broken by him and I doubt she'd want to see my heart be broken by him too.

We all know how Nathan is. She just won't understand if I tell her I suddenly like him. After all, she's always known me to hate him.

I can't say a word to my other friends either. They don't even know I'm gay! That's too risky. Ben just recently became my best friend and I have no interest in losing him that fast.

Can't say anything to my mom or my sister Tamara either. I haven't come out to them either! I know it's crazy...

So I guess as much as it hurts me I have to pretend all of this hasn't happened. I hate lying but I guess I have no other choice.

Now I badly want to see Nathan again. I desperately need to know what all this is.

Guess the next time I'll get to see him is our tutoring session tomorrow. Somehow I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time. I guess I expect something out of it. Like yesterday...