Our complicated love story

Ch.2.3 Jealousy

Jealousy
Ch.2.3

Nathan's pov

Our leisure time was cut short because we had class afterwards. I told him that I wanted to see him tonight again as it's Friday but he tried to convince me to hang out together instead. I don't know if I like this idea honestly.

I don't understand why he is suddenly proposing that. He seemed to be perfectly fine with us just having sex whenever I wanted to but suddenly he doesn't want just that?

I don't like where this is heading. I can already tell what he really meant by hanging out. He wants more. He wants to have a real conversation I can tell.

Honestly, I feel perfectly fine only exploring each other's bodies whenever we want to. I find it fun. I've grown to like this kind of relationship with Theo, it's like enemies with benefits.

I thought he would've cut this short a while ago but apparently, he hasn't. He loves it as much as I do.

It's crazy that all of our hatred has transformed into lust. Yes, lust. It's like you hate someone so much that you want them sexually. I never understood the concept but I just get along with it.

As annoying as it is lust and hatred aren't the only feeling I felt those past few days, no, it's jealousy. Yes, jealousy! I hate this feeling so much!

I hate it because it not only drives me mad but it's a feeling that proves that Theo means more to me than I'm ready to admit.

When you desire someone sexually you don't necessarily feel jealous. You only desire the person and that's it.

Through I knew that I already felt the feeling of jealousy in the sense I was jealous of Theo but this time around it isn't just that.

It's the feeling of jealousy, where I'm jealous of everyone that dares to talk to Theo. I hate this feeling! I don't understand why I have to feel this! I just want my share of sex and that's all, not this!

I have long denied everything but I know that deep down it's there and I have to accept it. I have to accept that Theo means a lot more to me than he should, he always did.

I've always felt jealous of course but right now I have this urge, this feeling of wanting to prevent anyone to touch what's mine...

Mine...Is he mine? He can't be mine. He only is in bed through.

So yeah, it was immature of me to do what I did earlier...I pushed him into doing it at school with me. The truth is that it's true that I really wanted to take him there but I was jealous. I got rid of all my nerves there.

Then I think about Theo, it's crazy how much he's changed lately. He isn't the usual goody two shoes...I'm making him do stuff that's so unlike him. He's perfection and his perfection is being ruined by me lately. I don't know how he's accepting doing all this...He was supposed to remain perfect but I'm a bad influence on him no?

Through, I know all this is not what he might want. I'm not that dumb. Like I already said, he wants to take this further, up a notch.

To be real, I did think about that too at some point. I know deep down that I might want more with Theo than f**king him till we can't do it, but it's not in me. I'm not the sentimental type.

The truth is that I don't think this is gonna work, I know I won't be able to f**k him for much longer. Even if I like to think I get to do whatever I want with him.

It's actually because it isn't a serious thing. It's already being broken by Theo's desire to go further, to make it a real thing.

This actually sounds like I'm scared of committing and I am alright? I've done it time and time again with girls and now Theo but rare are the times I made it serious.