Our complicated love story

Ch.3.1 The heart wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants
Ch.3.1

Theo's pov

The last few weeks have been the worst. If I wasn't pregnant I would've probably never eaten. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart and I haven't told anybody except Nathan that I'm pregnant.

I really don't how I've kept smiling while at school, I truly don't know. I can tell that Brooke and Ben are worried about me even though I keep telling them nothing is wrong, they just know something is wrong with me.

I'm really scared about the next few weeks, what will I do...? I really don't want to tell anyone they'll hate me for sure.

Now I'm scared that if I tell them, they won't support me, hell I think my friends will stop talking to me. It's not because they are cold-hearted but because I am lying to them. I've been keeping this secret for so long that it's gonna hurt more when they find out and they don't deserve that.

At least Ben knows I'm gay. Brooke on the other end...I did exactly what I told her I wouldn't do...

Brooke is my best friend and even if I don't tell her everything, the secrets I'm hiding from her are huge and it's a huge part of my life.

She doesn't know a single thing, my condition, that I like guys, Nathan and I's situation and most important of them all that I'm pregnant. She's going to feel so hurt that she hasn't been a part of that because I hid those secrets. Argh...It's starting to give me a headache.

Worst of them all, I'm still nauseous almost every single day! I'm sick of it! Ugh, I'm crying again. Thank goodness I'm not at school right now.

I really don't know what to do.

Right now I'm just grateful that Nathan didn't take it nearly as bad as he did when Brooke got pregnant from him. He took it better than I thought he would.

Ugh...Brooke, what will I do about her? I'm scared, no, terrified. I badly wish this was a nightmare but no this is reality...

I genuinely wish that I would have it in me to tell my mom or even my friends...I know I'll have to eventually because my bump will soon be visible and I can't run away from my problems forever.

Regardless, bump-wise, so far there isn't anything.

The problem is that I really need to go see the doctor for a checkup but I don't know how to hide it from my mom. I don't have a car, unlike Nathan...Nathan...

I cry again just at the thought of him. If only he were more supportive...One thousand questions swirl in my head.

Ugh, who am I kidding? It's Nathan Hames, he's never been nice to be, of course, he wouldn't accept that.

But ugh, why just why must I have to go through this pain? I hate saying this but I think I miss him. I feel this strong urge to be at his house and kiss him all over again.

Nathan, Nathan. I haven't seen him all that much. I'm glad to know that he still goes to school which is a relief but he really does ignore me.

I hope he's doing fine without the tutoring sessions, at least fine enough to graduate. Yes, I still wish him that.

Despite it all, I can't ignore the fact he bluntly ignores me. No attempt to talk to me, no faces of pity, no resentment. He just straight up decided to ignore me like he did a few weeks ago only for this time to hurt more.

He's there but he's not at the same time. It hurts to know I'm the cause of that.

But seriously what was I expecting from hooking up with Nathan? Why did I create myself false hopes that he would be nicer, better when it had never been the case ever since I left him 10 years ago?