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Sara
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Jesse
I'm sitting here in my condo watching old videos of me and Sara. We are back together but, we currently live separately from each other. I needed to win back Sara's trust and I knew that giving her space and allowing her to take the lead was the right course of action. Sara blessed me by giving birth to our son Jason, and he looks just like me but his skin color is a mixture between mine and Sara's, I would say it's a pretty caramel color or undertone. Sara and I have been in couples therapy for about six months, and I also am attending my own therapy sessions as well.
I have been able to let go of my pain and trauma. All I want out of life now is to be a great husband and father, and also fixed the hate I allowed to continue. I know it's going to be hard and trust me it has, but I will continue to try and fixed the damage I caused until I take my last breath. I know some of you all hate me because of what I put Sara through and I don't blame you I hate myself for it too!
That's why it's important for me to right all my wrongs. I know Sara has forgiven me and I'm truly grateful for that, but I will continue to show her how sorry I am by treating her with the upmost respect and love and kindness like I was doing in the being before I got stuck up in the fear of my mother.
I don't give a fuck about how anybody else feels about Sara forgiving me! It's not your relationship and what happens between her and I is our business!
I have suffered and so has she. I'm aware of the suffering I caused her, but I don't need other mother fucker's constantly reminding me of my fuck up because I'm living it!
I had to draw the line with Jeremiah regarding Sara forgiving me. He felt that Sara should have divorced me and took our son and never let me see him.
He didn't even take it a count all of the efforts that I have put in or how I'm changing every single minute of every single day, I got heated and spoke me peace on how I felt and he just looked at me and said "bruh! This is the man I wanted to see the one who would not let no one do my sister wrong! Welcome back to the party!"
I was stunned but grateful. He just wanted to protect his sister and make sure I was going to be what I needed to be when I needed to be.
I used to be that in the beginning, but I got caught up in greed and power. Never again I have way too much to lose, and I don't want to lose it!
Sara and I both agreed that when she was more comfortable in our progress that I would move in with her in the house that I bought for her and our son. And today is my last day in my condo, Sara called me last night and told me she was ready for me to come home to my family, and I cried tears of joy and relief.
I had all my clothes packed up in my car and right now I'm waiting for Jackson to come over and collect all the furniture and the rest of the stuff in the condo. I'm donating everything to Zuma's women shelter, and like clock work my cousin Jackson walks into my condo not even bothering to knock and says"what up scary ass bitch!" I roll my eyes and get up from the couch and say "what up Jackson?" We bro hug and he says "not a damn thang just being me on this blessed that the Lord was blessed me to see." I laugh and we get started moving everything into the moving trucks.
After helping Jackson load everything into the moving trucks and locking up the condo. I head over to Sara's and my home I know I'm a day early, I just want to spend time with them.
When I get to the house I use my key and walk into the house and hear Ella Mai's DMFU playing throughout the house. I walk into the kitchen and see Sara singing to our son in his high chair, I watch her for a couple of minutes thinking about how blessed I am to have her.
She finally turns around and see's me and smiles walking up to me and places a kiss on my lips which I happily return."I know I'm a day early, but this was the only day that Jackson could come and get the furniture" I tell Sara. She smiles and says "it's ok I was going to call you and tell you to just come today anyway" I nod and rest my forehead on hers and sigh this is woman right here is my happy place and I would die over and over again before I lose her again!
Later after dinner me and Sara are resting in bed just talking about old times. Sara then sits up in bed looking at me and kisses me slowly, I kiss her back with all the love and passion I have for her. I then slip on top of her slowly removing her night grown and proceed to worship my wife like the black queen she is!
