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The Soul Within Me - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

The Soul Within Me was written by crsystals. It is a BTS fanfic that follows the Kang family as Jingyi, the protagonist, gets her soul reincarnated and makes a plan to seek revenge against all those who wronged her. If you are looking for a BTS thriller fic, then this is for you.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

For starters, the premise is super interesting. I was reading the description in the prelude and got really excited to read because I thought the story idea was great! My favorite part about the story is the plot and the potential it has. It's very early on in the story with only four episodes out, but so far, the plot is engaging and it keeps me invested.

I like how Kui has such a different style from the other characters. It makes her stand out and I immediately found myself wanting to know more about her since she carries herself differently and even speaks differently. The others are more formal and serious while she's saying things like "Yo." Regardless of her only being seventeen, it's still an interesting speech pattern that makes her unique.

The themes are interesting so far. I think the revenge aspect is handled differently than most others. It's not simply about revenge, it's about identity and accepting oneself. The revenge is the plot, but the identity is what keeps the story moving. The struggle that our protagonist faces with coming to terms with herself and the betrayal is engaging.

I was pleasantly surprised while reading since normally revenge plots don't go much deeper than the obvious topics to cover like grief. This story goes a step deeper and covers the idea of oneself, and I think it makes the narrative feel more intriguing and well-thought out.

So not only is the plot engaging, but the theme is too. When the audience is invested in the core of the story, that means you're doing your job right.

It's been a while since I've been super excited to read something, so I will say you do a good job building up excitement and anticipation within the narrative. There's a lot of tension that leaves the audience asking "What's gonna happen?" every chapter.

I'll talk more about word choice later, but I believe the vocabulary in this story is above average and strong. It fits the narrative and the themes you are presenting. The word choice also fits in with the sentence structure and characters.

I liked the introduction of Taehyung. His intro was sudden and unexpected, but I liked it that way. It felt like a nice twist even though Taehyung is in the title.

Honestly, I forgot it was a BTS fanfic while reading, which is a good thing since it means I was invested in what was going on instead of waiting for Taehyung to become a main character. When Taehyung did show up, it was shocking that way because I was more focused on the plot than anything else.

In general, I like Taehyung and I think he has potential to become a very, very strong character. The dynamic between the male and female leads is strong so far and I think they are going to make the story even more engaging than it already is.

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What Didn't Work:

In my opinion, there is too much exposition in the beginning. I was struggling to keep up with who was who since there were so many Kangs I had to keep track of. Considering I haven't met these characters yet, it made it even harder to know who was who, and I knew right off the bat that I'd forget the family tree.

Keep word choice in mind. You have good vocabulary, just make sure you aren't overusing certain "bigger" words (for lack of a better term). The more unique words stand out more, so if you're repeating them, it's more noticeable. For example, "exuding" or "exuded." Some form of exude is used quite a few times throughout the story.

The most recent chapter at the time of reviewing this, come ab, does this the most. The chapter feels a bit repetitive. It feels like you're saying the same thing a few times just in slightly different ways. For example, the city lights are mentioned quite a few times, and the city is referred to as a place for pain a few times as well. We don't need to be told this multiple times, if that makes sense.

The chapter is more philosophical, which is perfectly fine, all I'm recommending is making sure every word is contributing something new instead of repeating old information (unless you're using repetition very purposefully, but even then, be careful with how much of it you use).

Make sure every new character speaking has their own paragraph. Try not to put lines of dialogue spoken by different characters in the same paragraph. For example: "Hi," Raven said. "Hey," Jimin said.

It should be:

"Hi," Raven said.

"Hey," Jimin said.

I was going to say the paragraphs need to be broken up more, but most of that is because the dialogue is not broken up. The paragraphs are quite long even with the dialogue breaks, so I would recommend breaking them up to make them easier to read. I read on my laptop, but a majority of readers use their phones. So, if it's long on my laptop, it's even longer on their phones.

There are tense issues where the tense flip flops between past and present tense incorrectly. Since you are writing in past tense, make sure you're sticking to past tense except in rare cases where using present tense is okay (such as character thoughts).

The dialogue is formatted a bit strangely. It started off normal then it started being formatted like a script. For example:

Raven: Hi, how are you?

Since you're writing a book, I strongly suggest not using script format, even just for dialogue. So, the proper way to format dialogue would be: "Hi, how are you?" Raven asked.

The dialogue tag needs to be next to the dialogue. Or it can be: "Hi, how are you?" she asked. It depends on if you want to use the name or not, but dialogue tags need to always be next to the dialogue and unless it is a proper noun, the tag needs to be lowercase.

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Summary:

- Very interesting concept

- Kui is awesome

- Intriguing themes

- Nice word choice

- Good job introducing Taehyung

- Consider using less exposition in the beginning and doing more showing of who the characters are

- Give dialogue spoken by new characters its own paragraph

- Grammar issues (tense, dialogue tags, etc.)

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Overall:

The Soul Within Me is an interesting story so far with an engaging concept that would suck anyone in. I completely forgot it was a BTS fanfic since I was invested in the plot, which is a good thing since it appeals to a wider audience. I would recommend this story to anyone interested in BTS fanfics with great plots.

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Thank you for submitting your story. I enjoyed reading it and I really love the concept you have. I think this book has potential, and I can't wait to see what you do with it! I hope you continue it! Keep writing!

I hope this feedback is helpful. If you have any questions or need any further reviews, please let me know.