An Old Summer Daydream (Old Summer Trilogy #1)

33

"Huh? What do you mean?" 

Dahan-dahan akong bumaba mula sa pagkakabuhat niya at sinuot ang heels ko. Naiiwan na kami ng mga kaklase namin. Bumuntong-hininga siya at napatakip na lang sa mukha niya. Hindi ko makita ang hitsura niya dahil nakatalikod siya sa akin.

"Yori?" tawag ko. 

"This... Why are you doing this? Why are you saying all the things I wanted to hear when we were still together? You should have said those things then. Why now?" nahihirapang tanong niya.

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya para mapaharap siya sa akin. My lips parted when I saw the emotions on his face. He looked like he was having a hard time. He looked like he was hurting, and he wanted to cry. 

"I'm sorry..." Iyon na lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko. "I didn't mean to hurt you." 

"Then stop this, please!" he said in frustration. 

"Paano ba?!" sigaw ko pabalik. I could feel my chest tightening. "Paano, Yori?! Gusto ko rin namang tumigil na! Gusto na kitang layuan! Ayaw na kitang mahalin! Gusto ko nang matapos lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, pero paano?! Sabihin mo naman sa akin! Turuan mo ako kasi ikaw, mukhang nakausad ka na! Ako, nandito pa rin, eh... Ano b'ang magagawa ko?" 

He made a frustrated sound and looked up at the sky, covering his face. He sighed again, trying to control his breathing. He looked like he didn't know what to do.

"Is it the alcohol talking?" he suddenly asked. 

I scoffed and shook my head. "Seryoso ako..." Nawala na 'ata ang epekto ng alak sa sistema ko. Baka 'yong hilo lang ang nawala. Iyong tapang ay nandito pa rin. "You said it was okay to greet you and talk to you."

"I also thought it was okay. I already moved on from you, Nat. I really did... I tried so hard to move on from you. I worked hard to heal all the wounds you inflicted on me. Our relationship gave me so much pain. Okay na ako, eh. I don't love you anymore. I told everyone that I didn't love you anymore... and actually believed that myself. So... Why? Why am I so confused?" Nakita ko ang mga luhang nagbabadya sa gilid ng mga mata niya. The light from the nearest lamp post reflected on those tears. 

"I know... I'm sorry. Sinubukan ko rin namang mag-move on sa 'yo. Sinubukan kitang layuan. Sinubukan kong huwag kang kausapin, pero ikaw naman ang lumalapit at kinakausap ako. Paano ako makakapag-move on, Yori? I know it was all normal to you, but it wasn't to me... kasi mahal pa kita." 

"Don't say that," he said under his gritted teeth. 

"But that's the truth. I still love-"

"You should have told me that when I asked to break up," he hissed. 

"But we can't go back in time anymore, right? I'm sorry, Yori. I was wrong... Ako ang dahilan kung bakit tayo naghiwalay. Sinaktan kita, and I'm really, really sorry. I know that this is selfish. Telling you that I still love you is a selfish act, but I have to let you know. I'm not over you yet... at hindi ko alam kung paano. I'm sorry, Yori." Lumuha na rin ako habang humihingi ng tawad sa kanya. 

Tears fell from his eyes as he stared at me. Punong-puno ng sakit at galit ang mga mata niya habang lumuluha siya sa harapan ko. He wasn't saying anything; he was just letting the tears flow down. 

"I did everything to get over you. You knew... You were aware... that I really loved you a lot. I loved you more than you could imagine. Nothing in this world could even describe how much I loved you... So imagine how hard it was for me to try and forget you. Ngayon... Bumabalik ka sa akin. This is so selfish, Nat. You're right... You're so selfish... Why are you doing this to me?" Yumuko siya habang nakatakip ang kamay sa mga mata. He was crying so much that his tears were already hitting the ground, even though he was trying to wipe them away.