An Old Summer Daydream (Old Summer Trilogy #1)

EPILOGUE

YORI

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? You might see her around the campus." 

My brows furrowed, looking back at Jap. We were at the mall, and he was helping me buy new clothes for the next semester. He said I should try dressing differently this semester because my heart just got broken. Hindi ko alam ang koneksyon noon. 

 He also said I had never spent my money on myself since I started earning. Well, first, that was an exaggeration. I would spend my money on essential things. Second, I was saving money for our future... Well, I used to. Hindi na ngayon. That future became impossible to happen. 

"Who? Estella?" I casually asked while looking through the racks. 

"Who else?" Binatukan niya ako kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. 

"I told you... I don't have feelings for her anymore. It's fine," I assured him. 

"I don't trust you anymore. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ba ako sa mga sinasabi mo."

I was telling him the truth. I couldn't feel anything anymore. Hearing her name didn't have any effect on me anymore... kaya masasabi kong wala na talaga. Before, my heart would beat so fast just by hearing her name or just by merely thinking of her. Ngayon, wala na lahat ng 'yon. Ang tagal ko na rin kasi siyang hindi nakikita. 

And I was hurt a lot. Maybe the pain helped me move on fast because my heart was already begging me to forget those feelings. I just got tired of it. I loved Estella a lot. I was crazy for her. I never loved anyone as much as I loved her. I even thought I couldn't live without her by my side. Hindi naman pala. Kaya ko naman pala. 

Surprisingly, though, noong nagsimula na ang sem, I never saw her again on campus. Maybe because I was also busy competing internationally. Pagkatapos ng klase ko, deretso kaagad ako sa training. Minsan lang ako makikitang naglalakad-lakad sa campus. 

That just made it easier for me to move on. Still, I was nervous. Paano kapag nagbago lahat kapag nakita ko siya ulit? I don't even trust myself anymore. Estella makes me weak. 

"Yori, single ka naman, 'di ba? Pinapatanong ng blockmate ko. Are you looking for a girlfriend?" tanong ng teammate ko habang naghihintay kami ng boarding. 

"Yeah, I'm single, but I'm not looking for a girlfriend." I gave him a small smile.

"Bakit? Wala bang hihigit kay Estella?" pang-aasar ng isa kong teammate.

My smile faded, and I remembered everything that had happened in the relationship. "No... It's not like that." 

My last relationship scarred me. Natatakot na ulit akong pumasok sa relasyon. 

I always gave my all in everything, even in relationships. Natatakot akong maubos ulit. Wala akong tinira sa sarili ko noong nagmahal ako kaya noong naghiwalay kami, pakiramdam ko kinuha lahat sa 'kin. I was miserable. I thought I would never be able to get up again and fix myself. 

A lot of people had already tried to introduce me to other women, but I just didn't want to enter another relationship again. I would always decline blind dates, o kahit anong reto. I just focused on my competition. I was leaving anyway. I already promised my Mom that I would start living in Japan after graduation. Nauna na rin ang kapatid ko roon. Naiwan na lang ako para tapusin ang program ko. 

"Yori! May nagpapabigay!" 

Napakunot ang noo ko nang abutan ako ni Coach ng paper bag. My followers would sometimes give me gifts, so it wasn't a big deal anymore. The paper bag contained food. May nakadikit na card doon kaya tiningnan ko. Na-curious din ang teammates ko at lahat sila ay nakibasa sa nakalagay sa card.