Tatted

LIES

"For it was not my ear you whispered into but my heart. It was not my lips that you kissed but my soul."

*****

I sucked at accepting shit.

Even when the words left my mouth a week ago, even when we visited the hospital, even when Tyler held me at night- reassuring me that he'd support me no matter what- I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant.

And much less could I accept that he accepted me regardless.

I had never had someone who reassured me every near second. Who made sure I was okay whenever the slightest thing was off. Who watched me so attentively I could feel their gaze.

Not until I met Tyler.

And no matter how overbearing and strong he may come off, it was the only thing keeping me stable. It reminded me of how he served as my only sense of security. 

It wasn't until I was sitting in the kitchen of Cruz Cuisine, his gaze completely transfixed on me as he chopped vegetables, so much so that I heard a hiss and a soft curse that I realized this was getting out of hand.

He paused, laying the knife flat on the cutting board and momentarily removing his gaze from me.

I watched curiously as he washed his hands beneath the faucet, drying them after as he left to his office.

He returned with a make-shift bandage wrapped around his finger. And his eyes were on me again, except he wasn't holding a knife now.

He leaned back against a counter, his hands gripping the edge so tightly his knuckles turned white. I sat a long ways across from him in my designated chair.

I say so because he had taped a paper stating, Gianna's Chair, in bold writing. I giggled when he presented it to me a few days ago.

I watched as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyebrows furrowing like usual. My head tilted as I tried to read his thoughts but they were unintelligible.

"Ty, you good man?" The man I'd met as Tom shouted from across the room.

That seemed to shake Tyler from his trance. He snapped his head to look at him but Tom had already turned to face whatever he was doing.

"Just fine." Tyler responded but his tone wasn't.

"You sure? Seems like you could use a break." Tom remarked without looking behind him.

"I'm fine." Tyler snapped.

I had never seen him like that before. But lately, the smallest of things caused a shift in his mood.

I wouldn't say he'd become more short-tempered. He wasn't like that.

Tyler was calm, understanding, patient. He made sure he understood both sides of a story before putting in his two-cents. He made sure to listen before responding. He made sure to understand where someone was coming from before taking judgement.

So the way he gritted his teeth right now, tensing his hands until it appeared painful, was foreign to me.

He had never snapped at me, though. And would hopefully never.

He continued to treat me just like before. If not even better.

The only difference was that he now managed my every movement and choice with extreme regard.

I wondered if it had something to do with the knowledge of my pregnancy.

Was he worried?

I got up and made my way to him. It was like someone switched on the light in his eyes, the darkness that had previously overtaken him now flooded with light.