Alina

Bianca

I miss my baby.

I've never felt the pain I feel now, the pain of losing your child. I feel like I'm in a fog that just won't go away. I know the sky is blue but it's grey for me. I haven't been able to see the sun since Alina was kidnapped. My days are dark without her here without her light bringing joy to this cruel world. She was my sun; she was all of our suns. 

I can't eat. How could I when she might be starving?
Whenever I close my eyes I see her face crying out for someone to save her.

I did all I could at the moment to keep both my children safe, but it wasn't enough. It's impossible to not blame myself.

I have never felt more useless. My life has become a waiting game to get word from Igor or anyone we have overseas.

I miss her so god damn much. I would do anything to get her home safe. 

We took a little girl in to give her a better life. She was already in danger of being associated with us, so what choice did we have? Those eight months we spent with her were some of the best of my life.
My husband and I gained a daughter and our sons got a sister. She brought us closer. But now she's gone and we've drifted back apart. Family time feels painfully different without her presence.

I've lost myself in my guilt and grief. I want to inflict the pain in my heart onto the bodies of those associated with the Russians.
My boys are on a bloody manhunt that will not cease until she's back with us.

I spend my days training now so I can protect her when she's back in my arms. Relieving a crap ton of stress onto the punching bag always helps as well, and is usually accompanied by a great deal of tears.
Mariana and Emelia are always there for me as well. Training together reminds me of my youth which also helps a bit.

My husband has been incredible throughout this. He's our rock and leading the charge. He's breaking down and I don't know how much longer he can keep up this facade. 

The new property the Ivanovs purchased ended up being a fluke. A scout returned to my husband claiming that he saw explosives being set around the property. An obvious trap that in our desperation, almost fell right into.

My sons and nephews come and go from the house and we all just hope they come home by the end of the week.

Alessandro, Gio, and Alonzo went to Japan to see if they could get anything. I doubt the Ivanovs told their allies anything though. 

Andreas, Angelo, and Lorenzo went to France to meet up with some of Andreas's underground allies.

Damien, Nico, Alessio, and Adriano are in Montreal chasing down a group of clueless Bratva men for "shits and giggles."

Luca and Dante just returned from Mexico. They've been friends with the heir of the cartel for years after getting him out of a bad situation down in Miami when they were fourteen. How they got into a full-on club is beyond me. His father agreed to lend any support necessary.

The angels of the family, Roman, and Matteo, have stayed at home doing whatever they can from here. Granted they are also fifteen and can't drive yet. Well not legally, that is.

I sat in one of the leather chairs in my husband's study, watching my youngest son attempt to contact Anastasia, my childhood idol. In that moment it all seemed so close, my daughter seemed so close.

"It's done," Roman said to us.

"How will we know if she got it?" Antonio questioned.