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In this chapter...

POV'S CECILIA COOPER

I'm the youngest sister, considered the most spoiled in the family. Our parents were always completely absent, and before Anne reached the right age, we had a nanny, but now Anne is practically an adult and can take care of both of us.

My relationship with my sister was typical of sisters; we fought, but we loved each other.

Our house wasn't big, despite our parents having plenty of money. Our house was considered nice but smaller than others in the Berlin area. So, Anne and I shared a room. It was a big room with two wonderful beds, very comfortable indeed. However, privacy was a bit hard to come by. We were two teenagers, so you can imagine... well, we needed privacy, didn't we?

I was fourteen years old, at the peak of falling in love with fictional boys, imagining myself marrying singers and artists who would never know of my existence. Well, if you're reading me talk about this, surely you've gone through the same, I suppose...

My best friend was Beatrice; we went to the same school and went crazy over the same band, Tokio Hotel. They were the sensation of 2007; all the girls loved them. They were simply amazing. The Kaulitz twins caught my attention a lot, although I always had my favorite, Tom. Tom Kaulitz was perfect. He was fearless and had a wonderful style. I imagined marrying him. Crazy, right?

I spent twenty-four hours of my life listening to their music. I did absolutely everything while listening to their songs, even at school. I passed the headphones behind my hair to listen to the wonderful voice of Bill Kaulitz in my ears. Even my alarm clock was theirs. Anyway, I was simply crazy and in love with them. I just never imagined that my nighttime fantasies would come true...

After the charity show the band did in Berlin, which my sister took me to, and I watched from the stage with Beatrice, my life completely changed. I became very close friends with the band, and well... Tom Kaulitz is my brother-in-law now. That's just insane.

Bill's beauty was beautiful to behold. When he appeared without makeup, he looked even more identical to his brother, making him even more beautiful. Yeah, I know, my sister got the twins, and I admit I was a little jealous. She was very pretty and also very lucky to have the twins at her feet. They would do anything for her and lived in a love triangle. I managed to survive that, the humiliation of the twins wanting my older sister, Anelise.

After a while, Bill and I became very close. I knew absolutely everything about him, and now he also knew intimate things about me. I stopped being that crazy fan who only lived on illusions in my room late at night. Now, everything I imagined was happening. I woke up every day to a good morning message from Bill. Do you happen to know how that feels? It's completely amazing. Bill and I were very close, and he was completely fun.

Bill treated me very well. My nickname was "Engel," which means "angel" in German. I called him Big Billy, after all, he was much bigger than me.

During the four-month tour, we talked every day with much more intensity. He asked one of the staff to record all the shows and send them to me after they finished. It's our secret, but he dedicated "Monsoon" to me, saying that even after a huge storm, it would always be him and me. Before we went to sleep, we always said goodnight and at the end added "Dann wird alles gut," the end of the chorus, which means "then everything will be fine."

Bill and I had a somewhat lonely life. Despite being very young, I had never loved anyone, and no one had ever loved me. And now that my sister is famous for dating Tom, I was left aside. So, Bill and I had that in common. That was what brought us closer, I believe.

But this dream... I woke up from it in the worst way. I was in love with him, actually, I loved him. Bill treated me in such a pure and beautiful way, taking care of me and always being my safe haven. It was beautiful and made my heart burn with passion. When Bill kissed me, I felt a love sensation I had never felt before. There, I solidified my love for Bill, and I determinedly and intensely loved Bill Kaulitz.

But after that, we separated. I'm very angry with Anne for everything she did. A part of me knows how wrong it is, but I just wanted one last touch, one last message, one last sign that Billy really liked me. We had a magical moment, and I longed for the return of that feeling. However, he didn't even look at me anymore. I miss the admiring look at me; I miss Bill, my Bill Kaulitz.

I yearn for the return where I can feel the warmth of his body and hug him, listening to every beat of his heart and a kiss on my forehead, a way of saying that he likes me and wants to be with me, taking care of me.

I long for the return of our magic, which, although short, was infinite...

I yearn to love Bill Kaulitz freely...