Waiting For Tomorrow

Prove It

It's been about two months since they let me out of the hospital, I didn't end up having to go to the camp thing. I had a week off of school after they let me out... To be honest I was kind of happy that I get to go back to school after that because the past week has sucked, I haven't been allowed to be alone, I have to have one of my parents over me at all times, well apart from when I am getting changed and stuff, but even then I can't take too long.

I walk over to my dresser and get changed into black skinny jeans, a blue and white striped shirt and white converses.

Also, over the past week I have been trying to eat a bit more, I hate it but I am still trying, I try to eat at least one and a half meals a day with some snacks, some days, well more like most days I fail.

I also hid majority of the things that I can self harm with, I have had strong urges to self harm and a few times I would do it with my fingernails and other things but I am getting better.

I can see this is going to take a while but I want to get better for the people who care about me. I can't let myself let go.

-

We're in English class and i'm sitting at the back of class once again with Tyler, Oscar and Clayton. They're all actually such nice guys. But we're also sitting with Kim. Kim is so kind and I never saw the real her, she has her own experiences with bullying, I guess thats why she fell for Zoe and the girls trick, it's because she didn't want to get bullied herself.

"Hey losers," Zoe yells throwing a scrunched up piece of paper at us, "I drew a picture of you."

Tyler un-scrunches the paper and looks at what is drawn on there, after about 5 seconds he cracks up laughing prodigiously handing the paper to me, we all glance at the terribly drawn people on the paper looking more like scribbles.

The girls had labeled each person, Clayton was drawn as this really short overweight dude with boogers uncontrollably coming out of his nose, Clayton was drawn as a really tall stick with warts and pimples all over his face, Tyler's person had super long hair and was for some reason wearing a tiara, Kim was an ugly, flat chested, slutty looking girl with pimples all over her face and I...well, they had drawn me wearing all black, black hair and black make up, I was like some emo kid, well I know why they would have drawn me as that, it's kinda obvious.

We all laugh uncontrollably for about 5 minutes, the teacher is just sitting up the front ignoring us. All of the cool kids are staring at us, Zoe, Regina, Tabitha and Charli are all just staring at us really pissed because we are not offended by their shit drawings.

I have learn't so much from my life and when I look at it in a different perspective I am kind of grateful for what has happened to me in my life because it has taught me so much important life lessons.

I have learnt to never want to be like someone who you don't like, such as wanting to be a cool kid just so that you can fit in, in fact you shouldn't want to be someone else at all. I have also learnt to treat people right because I know how it feels to be treated wrongly, also I have learnt that life is worth living and I am strong and there is always someone out there who cares for you no matter how much you doubt it...these things aren't all, it would take me ages to list everything, and also, a lot of this I have learnt from Tyler.

No matter how rough this life seems I am going to keep going, I am not going to let people bring me down, I am going to be strong because I am strong.

I don't care what people think of me because those people who think negatively of me don't even know me anyway and anyway, I don't want to be like them, I just want to be me.

I put my ear buds in blasting out the song The Story Left Untold by Every Avenue because this song has a real meaning to it.

If I had kept silent about my life then I would still be struggling now and my life would be a remorseless pain. I always believed that if someone found out about the real me then everything would get worse, but when they did find out even though for a while it felt a bit uncomfortable, I am glad it's not all hidden anymore because I am on a road to recovery.

I don't know how long it will take to fully recover, I still feel eminently down sometimes but I know I am getting better.

I no longer find myself Waiting For Tomorrow because 'tomorrow' has already come, 'tomorrow' has always been here, it's just I haven't seen, the challenges I have had are all part of life, even if they have seemed unfair.

Nothing will get better unless I accept the challenges that I face no matter how sinister they may seem and I must stay strong.

A/N

Prove It - Divided By Friday

Well, this is finally the end, I was gonna do two more chapters after the last one but I couldn't think of what else to do.

Hope you enjoyed it. 4u4

Thank you so much for reading.

Please comment what you thought of it.