Waiting For Tomorrow

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I wake up, rub my eyes and stretch while wearily sitting up causing my bed to screech.

If Tyler hadn't replied to my text last night then who knows what I would have done to myself. We stayed up until about 3am talking, after that I was able to get to sleep. I check the time on my alarm clock, it's 11:30am, I don't usually sleep this late, oh and shit, it's a school day, it's Thursday today.

Well obviously my parents don't care about me not going to school or they just haven't noticed.

"You fucking whore! You fuck up everything!" I hear a voice yell from the living room.

Here we go again. My parents are fighting.

I slowly get up and head to my dresser and get changed into this.

You know what? Screw school, I will just ditch, theres no point in me turning up late.

I quietly open my window and climb out escaping this excruciating place. I wonder if anyones even noticed that I haven't turned up to school, the only person I know who possibly would it Tyler, no one else cares about me.

I know I have been hanging around with Oscar, Clayton and Kim, but none of them really care, they're just using me, I wouldn't be surprised if Tyler didn't like me either, our group is a group of 5 and odd numbers never work.

I begin to walk down the street shoving my headphones in and blasting the music through.

I don't even know why I pretended to get better all this time, it's not like anyone really cares if I get better or not, I guess at first I sort of wanted to get better but then I realized that whats the point?

I try to relax and push out all of these negative thoughts from my head by enjoying the summer breeze on my skin.

I head down to the river underneath the bridge where I had attempted suicide not long ago yet soon regret it as it brings in more agonizing thoughts into my anguish filled head.

I keep walking down to underneath the bridge and I try to think about something else.

"Stupid world, stupid life." I whisper kicking the stones in front of me.

"What is the point?" I take a seat on the dirt and stone filled ground right where I sat on that tragic night.

I kind of like the feeling of ditching school, I don't feel as if I am doing a bad thing, I feel...almost exited. I look around remembering the area around me, images of that traumatic night keep repeating in my head, why couldn't I just have died?

Suddenly I hear my phone make a buzzing noise indicating that I have a message.

I grab the device out of my pocket and check the message.

Hey, where are you, the school have rung your parents and everything

Tyler

Fuck! They're actually looking for me? And even worse they rung my parents? What the hell do I do?

I should go somewhere else, they'll probably come here to look for me since this is where I was found unconscious when I attempted suicide.

I grab my light messenger bag chucking it over my shoulder while standing up, I quickly look around and listen carefully to make sure no one has come yet. I have to go somewhere where they won't find me, I can't go home, my parents will kill me.

I start to walk up the river the opposite way from my hometown not even knowing where I am heading yet.

"What the hell do I do?" I mutter repeatedly.

After walking for about 5 minutes I get approach another town, it's Springdale, but I can't stay here because it's too close to Glenbery which is where I live.

I have an idea. I reach into my bag searching for my wallet, when I find it I scavenge for my bus pass. Yes, I have it here. I make my way to the bus stop. I will head to the city.

I glance at the time table searching for the next bus to the city, wait, I don't even know the time, I grab my phone out of my pocket and turn it on ignoring the multiple texts from people. 11:58am, well the next bus is 12:05, it should be here soon, I will just have to hope no one finds me in that time.

I calmly sit down in the seat before wondering if I should reply to my texts, especially Tyler...but then they might get even angrier when I don't tell them where I am.

I will just say my phone was dead so I didn't get the texts.

When the bus arrive I wait for the passengers to exit the vehicle before boarding, I scan my pass and take a seat next to an old woman. The woman peers at me as if she is wondering why I am not at school but I ignore, she holds the stare for a few seconds before moving her attention to out the window of the moving bus.

What do I do when I am found? And if I don't get found what am I gonna survive on? What? No! I won't survive. I don't want to survive.

When the bus pull to a stop I quickly stand up and depart the bus and begin to walk down the street. The city is busy and full of people, mainly adults, it would be so easy to get separated from people here.

Everyone is walking so slow that I grow impatient and start to push and shove past people, I must seem so rude but if I don't hurry and get somewhere in which no one will find me then I will get caught soon.

After about half an hour of walking and searching I come to a playground, it's not the best place but I am so tired, I can't walk any longer.

I climb into the small tunnel and sit questioning myself as to what I am going to do now.

The questions soon are overtaken by negative thoughts about how much I hate this world and myself.

"Fuck! I'm such a baby. " I murmur putting my head in my hands soon followed by tears beginning in my tired eyes.

I open my eyes to see that it is beginning to get dark. What time is it? I must have fallen asleep. I grab my phone out and check the time, it's 5:49 pm, whoa, I slept for a while.

I think maybe I should just stay here tonight.

I peek outside of the tunnel watching as street lights begin to flicker on, I love the night time, it's so beautiful.

To be continued...

Sorry if this was a boring chapter, I didn't have any ideas.

A/N Sorry it took so long to update, i've just been really busy lately, so that will be the reason for any late updates.

Do you think Silva will get caught? If so what do you think will happen when she does and if not what do you think she will do? Please comment and let me know.

Does anyone have any ideas of things (themes/ships/events etc.) they want me to include in the book, if so please let me know and I may include it (and acknowledge your idea in the book (if you want) -unless it was something I was gonna do anyway or if heaps of people suggest the same thing.

It really means a lot when people comment and let me know what they think, and it would mean a lot also if people gave me ideas because honestly I am a bit stuck and have no idea what to do next (I have a basic idea but I need filler things)

You can also suggest a song you think I should base a chapter around (make sure it is relevant to the book)

Thanks a lot

I'm not okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance