I'll Be: Sequel to Briles

Chapter Thirteen

I wake up hoping the guilt would be gone but it's just worse. How will I possibly ever live this down. I can't tell Miles but every second that I keep it from him just adds to my guilt. Making sure I don't wake up Miles or the others, I sneak out of bed and get ready for class. I leave before he wakes up.

I get to my creative writing class early, taking a seat in the back so I won't be noticed, but my strategy doesn't work as Zack walks in and sits right next to me.

"I've already told you, I don't want to talk to you, or do I have to slap you again?" I state not looking up at him.

"I actually came to apologize about that." He says. "It was a dick move and I'm sorry, but in all fairness you let me do it."

"Excuse me?" I say looking up at him and raising my eyebrows.

"It's not like I raped you. You are just as responsible for that night as I am and yelling at me isn't going to change that, or your guilt."

"One, you have no right to tell me what I'm feeling or what I'm responsible for, and two, you took advantage of me while I was drunk."

"I was drunk too. If you're trying to say that you being drunk makes you any less responsible than it works for me too."

"Whatever."

"I'm not telling you what to think or what to do, but you won't be able to run from this forever. The past has a way of creeping up on you." Zack doesn't say anything else, he just stands up and leaves. I think of what he said. I am responsible, whether I want to accept it or not. The past has a way of creeping up on you. I think about this all class period. The past has a way of creeping up on you.

When I get home the house is empty, except for Annika. I go change into one of Miles' oversized t-shirts. When I come back out I grab a blanket out of the ottoman.

"Hey, where are Miles and Ansel?" I ask as Annika chows down on some leftover pizza.

"They went out for some guy time, said they wouldn't be back until dinner." I nod and sit down next to her. Letting out a deep sigh and putting my head in my hands I think about my options. I have to tell him, I have to tell Miles.

"You okay?" She asks, mouthful of pizza. I look at her through the gap of my fingers.

"Can you keep a secret?" I ask. Annika looks at me and nods. "I did something really bad, after that ET piece about Shai and Miles."

"What did you do?"

"I, I slept with someone else."

"You did what?!"

"I shouldn't have done it, but I was drunk and angry and Zack was just there flirting with me and...."

"And what?" I hear from the, now open-door to our apartment. Miles is standing there watching me, Ansel awkwardly standing behind him. "And what Brianna? What did you do? What shouldn't have happened?"

"Miles-"

"No, what did you do Brianna? Did you two sleep together?" Miles walks over to me and Annika and Ansel slip quietly away. "Answer me!"

"Yes." I say quietly, scared of his reaction and his tome of voice.

"I'm sorry what?!" He continues to yell at me. I begin to get angry.

"Yes, Miles! We slept together! It was wrong and we shouldn't have done it but we did!"

"I can't believe you! You gave me a big lecture about how I was wrong when you just turned around and did it yourself! For what? Revenge?"

"You know it's not like that-"

"I have felt so guilty about Shai since it happened! I kept thinking what did I do to deserve you? Then you turn around and do the exact same thing!"

"I didn't keep it from you for 6 years Miles!"

"How long were you going to keep it from me?"

"I was going to tell you soon, I just didn't know-"

"You know what, I don't care Brianna." He puts his hands up in the air.

"Would you just shut up and listen to me!" I scream at him. I pick up a pillow off the couch and throw it at him. He stares at me as I stand on the couch. "I didn't do it for revenge. I don't even know why I did it. I don't even remember it happening. All I know is I screwed up but I want to work through this. I love you Miles and I am willing to do anything to be with you."

"Don't, just don't. I can't deal with this right now." He says softly and then he leaves. I scream on the top of my lungs. How could I be so stupid? How could I ruin the best thing to ever happen to me? We were happy! Our life was perfect! I go into the kitchen and throw all the glasses on the counter on the floor. I don't even care that later I'll have to clean it up.

I fall to the floor, a puddle of tears amongst the shattered glass. I don't know how long I spend there until I finally get up and grab the only bottle of whisky we have out of the cabinet. I quietly go start the bathtub. While I wait for the tub to fill up I pick the pieces of glass out of my bare legs. My legs are red with blood but I don't even notice the physical pain.

I look at my hands as I pick out the glass and find my eyes landing on the ring that rests on my right hand. Maybe my dad was right not to give us permission to get married. Maybe we're not ready to commit, maybe we're not meant to be together at all. I tear my eyes away from the ring and slip in the hot bath I had put some bubbles in, taking big gulps of my whiskey.

Miles was right, I am such a hypocrite. I hated him so much for what he did to me and then I turned around and did it to him. I don't deserve him. After a while of sulking and drinking whiskey I notice the bath water turning red from my blood. I drain the bath and stand up, drying off my body and holding the towel against my bloody legs. I might need stitches. I ran out of whiskey so I decide to put on a pair of shoes and some shorts.

People give me weird looks as I walk down the road but I don't pay attention. When I walk into the liquor store the cashier watches me carefully. I grab two bottles of hard liquor and check out.

"Hey lady, you're bleeding." The cashier says as I search my wallet for my credit card and ID.

"Yeah, I know."

"Maybe you should get that checked out."

"Maybe." I reply, handing him my ID. He looks at the ID and I swipe my card. I take my two items and turn around.

"Hey, do you need a ride to the hospital?" I keep walking and only answer him as I open the door to the shop.

"Maybe." I reply in the same monotone voice. I walk around the city for a while, drinking my liquor. I don't know where I'm going. I just know I can't go home.

A/N
I am so sorry I haven't been updating I really don't have an excuse and I'm also sorry they're so short. Please just keep bothering me about updating and hopefully I'll update more often. Don't forget to vote, comment, and share!
Xoxoxo,
Fourloveforever