affair ; jack gilinsky

THIRTY-NINE

savannah's pov

once i quickly threw back on some clothes, i hurried into the apartment elevator, while calling dylan a bunch of times.

he was refusing to answer any of my calls and to be honest, i don't blame him after i cheated on him, again.

i got out of the lobby doors and thankfully noticed his car still parked by the sidewalk. inside the car, i saw him do a tiny double take at my presence before he immediately started up the engine.

i rushed over to the car and tried to open the front passenger seat, but it was locked.

"dylan, please let me in" i begged as i knocked on the window.

he took a few seconds to stare at me, until he gave in and unlocked the door.

i got into the car and dylan sat beside me in the driver's seat. everything was silent as he stared out of his window and i looked down at my hands, trying to find a beginning to my explanation.

"why did you even agree, when i offered to come to london with you?" he suddenly said.

"...i-i'm sorry".

"but you're not, savannah!" he instantly faced me and yelled. "i was willing to drop everything for us, i was going to move half way across the world with you, but then you suddenly jump into bed with the guy you previously had an affair with? that doesn't just happen okay, so telling me that you're sorry is bullshit".

he aggressively punched the steering wheel and after that, i could barely comprehend a response.

i trapped my lips inside my mouth, as the guilt continued to weigh down on me and i tried to prevent the tears on my waterline from falling down my cheeks.

dylan eventually sighed at my watery eyes and rubbed his chin, "i never actually wanted to believe that it was true".

i glanced at him, "believe what?".

"that you still had feelings for him. for jack," he quietly added. "you know, your face always lights up when you tell me about a memory of you two? and sometimes you're not even yourself after you both argue".

"that's not tr—".

"even just the way that you look at him..." he drifted off and i shook my head at the nonsense coming out of his mouth. "even when you're angry, you still look at him in this way that says; deep down, i could never hate you, and i never saw that same look on the day that we argued".

dylan gazed at me and gently moistened his lips as he waited for me to speak.

i was mentally reciting everything that he just said. i was trying to check for the possibility of them actually being true. maybe i couldn't ever hate jack, maybe i do smile more than usual when i think of our memories.

maybe, i'm officially tired of pushing my feelings for him to the very back of head.

"why didn't you say anything?" i asked dylan.

he looked out of the window and chuckled, "because i love you, and i just wanted to leave it as me, imagining it all".

"i love you too" i tried to smile. "...but jack and i have so much history and this connection that i have tried to run from for so long, but-but i'm tired of running. i mean, it was him at the beginning, so i'm pretty sure that it'll be him at the end and i just don't want to put you through that".