delirium (sequel to apathy)

07

        07

Jose's words had put me on edge. 

What he said was true, Mom did try to see the good in almost everyone. She was a bit naive, and at times, easily manipulated. But I simply couldn't wrap my head around it..why would someone be threatening her? What had Dad done, so that someone shot him, and wanted to see him dead? 

Staring up at the ceiling, I sighed. I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning, and eventually figured that if I couldn't sleep now, I wouldn't be getting any sleep. The gears in my head were turning, trying to rack my brain for an answer to who could the culprit be. When Jose said that, I instantly thought of Brandon. But I couldn't really say it was him. I had no evidence, what so ever. 

Sitting up in bed, I swung my legs to the side, getting out of bed. It was pitch black outside, the moon shining between my blinds, slightly illuminating the gold letters on my wall. They spelled out my first and middle names. Walking towards my door, I left out, stepping out into the hallway. Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to go check in on Mom. Sometimes, she's be up late, contemplating on how to approach her clients. Hopefully, tonight is one of those nights.

Pushing the door of her bedroom open, I walked in slowly, closing the door behind me. She was watching television, the lights illuminating the dark room. Mom was laying in bed, her back resting against the headboard. She turned her head slightly to me, and I could see her smile lightly at me. 

"What are you doing up?" she asked me, and I started to approach the bed. She pulled the covers back for me, and I climbed into bed next to her, giving her an answer. 

"I can't sleep."

Once I was under the covers, I snuggled up next to her. I felt like a little kid, but I'd try anything to try to get some sleep. She kissed my forehead and smiled at me, "You just wanted to sleep next to me, huh?" I shrugged, placing my head on her chest. She rubbed my back in circles, her gentle, lavender scent ever so relaxing to me. Her heartbeat was balanced, and soft, her breathing as well. 

I hadn't slept in Mom's bed since I was a little kid. The most recent time was when I was eleven, and that was only because I had a dream that I was going to get eaten alive by cockroaches. It was all Dad's fault, really, he forced me to watch the movie, knowing that I was going to get scared. Dad had to own up to what he did, and Mom made him go sleep on the couch, just for doing that. 

I loved the connection we had with each other. We didn't have to say anything to each other, at all. She understood me, after all, she had carried me for nine months. I could come to her for almost anything, and she supported me through whatever. No one would be able to replace her, I was sure of that. 

I rubbed my eyes, Mom smiling at me. "You falling asleep on me, King?" I shook my head, "No, momma." My eyes felt heavy, and I could feel myself falling asleep, slowly. I don't know what was making me so sleepy, but I knew that I couldn't keep my eyes open for much longer. I felt her kiss my forehead, and I finally closed my eyes, falling asleep. 

The next day, I was back in school, having to suffer through a terrible Monday. First of all, I forgot all of my important shit at home, and then some nigga decided to try to talk out of turn to me. I wasn't in the mood for all that, and I nearly killed the bitch in the middle of class. Fortunately for him, Zay was in class and pulled me away from him before I got another strike on my record. 

So now I was sitting out in the hallway, with Zay. 

After we had gotten sent out of class, I had went a little crazy, tossing my shit all over the place. With Zay's help, we picked it up, but I still hadn't calmed down. I was seeing red, and all I knew was that if I saw that guy's face again, I was going to lose it and do something I was surely going to regret. Then I would hear it from Mom, and I really didn't want to get a lecture from Mom, because she makes me feel bad about the shit I do, sometimes. 

It's like she has some type of voodoo magic thing which she uses with her patients. 

I could feel Zay looking at me, but he could tell I wasn't up for talking at this moment. I was angry at myself for forgetting my stuff at home, and I was angry at that nigga. He's been talking shit about me all week, when he looks like a fucking horse. As much as I wanted to fight him, I couldn't. I didn't want to have to see Mr. Greene's face, and have Mom take off work to talk about my anger issues, which everyone knows I have. They just like to push my fucking buttons. 

I turned my attention to Zay, who was still looking at me, like I had done something wrong. 

"What?" I asked him, annoyed. 

"Nigga, you need to control your anger. Learn to let that shit go," he sighed, shaking his head at me. I rolled my eyes. He was really just preaching to the choir. I know that I need to learn to control myself, but other than that, I'm good. I don't skip school all the time, I do my work, I'm not disrespectful..to certain people. It's just that I have a short temper for bullshit, and they know that. 

"Don't you think I know that?" I sighed, looking away from him. 

It runs in the family..there's no way to get away from it.

Grandpa Lorenzo and Romelo have it, Uncle Ramiro has it, and even though I'm not Ramiro's son, when Mom had me with Dad, I was pretty sure it just exploded. Dad was in a mental institution for it! So naturally, you would think that eventually, we would learn to control it, right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

Zay sighed, "Whatever." 

"I've been looking for your ass everywhere, damn." 

Looking up at Ramiro, he had his hands in his pockets, his eyebrow cocked up. He sighed at me, "Get your ass up, man, we got shit to do." He sounded like he had an attitude, but I decided not to say anything about it. Only giving him an attitude would get some mess started, and I wasn't feeling it today. Standing up, I picked up my bag, saying bye to Zay before I left. 

"Your school called. Now I don't know what the fuck happened, and I don't care. I saved your ass from Monae. You lucky I was at y'all's house, and she wasn't there." 

"Why were you there, anyway?" 

He stopped walking, looking at me. "I was packing you some clothes." I raised my eyebrows at him, "And why were you doing that?" He simple smirked at me, placing his hands on my shoulders. 

"You've ever been to Japan before, Amir?"