With A Pen To My Arm || Adrien Agreste/Chat Noir

Pushing Away and Anxiety || Chapter 37 ||

Chat left not long after, leaving me on my own and I'd closed the curtains, wanting to the stop the feeling of being watched. Though sleep didn't come. I was staring at the ceiling, wishing for my heartbeat to go down enough to sleep. I wrapped myself in my blanket like a burrito and held a pillow tightly.

Eventually, sunlight snuck through the crack in the curtains, alerting me that it was morning. My anxiety hadn't gone down, if anything the thought of having to leave my house increased it. I tiredly crawled out of bed before looking in my mirror and sighing.

I looked exactly how I felt. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, too tired to try and tame it. I pulled on some leggings, a shirt and a large hooded jumped. I stepped into some boots before grabbing my bag and walking downstairs.

"You're up early" Marie stated, sipping from her coffee. I merely nodded at her, pouring my own coffee into a mug. I leant against the kitchen counter and inhaled the rich aroma my drink had to offer.

"Your lip is looking much better today" she tried to start up a conversation again. If it was any other day and I was feeling better, I'd try but I just wanted to be left alone. I forced a smile onto my face but Marie saw straight through it.

She gave me a worried look before grabbing her keys and leaving for work. Alone, again. I sighed and pulled my hood up, feeling as if it blocked everything out. I washed out my mug and placed it in the drying rack and leaving the house and heading to school.

I had my earphones in, listening to a Halsey playlist quite loudly, trying to drown out the feeling of being stared at. Though, it wasn't completely working and so, I quickened my pace.

My school came into view and I stopped my music, hoping that interacting with my friends would take the edge off my anxiety. Nino and Alya approached me, smiling huge and talking animatedly. Their wild gestured and loud voices were more than I was ready for, leaving me flinching and trying to curl into myself.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump and violently pull away. Adrien stared at me curiously with his hand outstretched. I stared at his hand with wide eyes and forced myself to keep my breathing in check.

"I'm sorry" I said, hiding myself in my hood more. Nino and Alya fell silent, watching me worriedly. Marinette ran over and I squirmed, uncomfortable with the amount of people in the area.

"Are you okay, Riva? You look like you've seen a ghost" Marinette asked, looking worried. I tried to force a smile on my face but it didn't feel right. And judging by everyone else's reactions to it, it had looked more like a grimace.

So instead, I managed a nod and walked off to class, sitting in my normal seat that I was now grateful was at the back of the classroom. Nathanael was quietly drawing next to me, he looked up and decided against trying to start up a conversation, which I was thankful for.

The lunch bell rang, nearly scaring me to death. I'd zoned out that whole class, worrying about what Mon Papillon was going to do next and when she'd show back up in my life. I collected my work before quickly heading to my locker to put it away.

"Are you really okay?" I heard Adrien ask from behind me, causing me to drop my books in surprise. I quickly bent down to pick them up but Adrien had already gathered most of them in his arms. I picked up the few loose pieces of paper.

I grabbed my books from Adrien and placed them in my locker, letting out a loud sigh. I wasn't okay. I was freaking out and couldn't sleep and the idea of food made me want to vomit.

"I'm fine" I said, refusing to look at him. It'd be so much harder for him to believe me if he was looking at while I said that. Though when I turned to him, he looked like he didn't believe me anyway.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm gonna go" I said quietly, grabbing my bag, and closing my locker before hastily walking away from him. I heard him call out for me but I just pulled my hood further over my head and begged myself not to run.

Chloe watched me curiously and I saw her step forward. I looked up and begged her with my eyes not to, she surprisingly listened. With a small nod, she fell back next to Sabrina.

I stood out the front of the school, taking deep breaths and praying that this feeling would go away. The pressure building up in my chest made it insanely hard to breath properly and my stomach felt like concrete weighing me down.

I couldn't stop myself, I began running home. It was the one place I could breath and I desperately needed that. To feel calm enough to get even breaths.

The keys kept slipping from my fingers and tears were gathering in my eyes as my frustration kept building. I finally managed to unlock the door and nearly fell to the floor in relief. I closed the door behind, immediately feeling calmer and I harshly inhaled the air around me, forcing it into my lungs.

After calming down slightly, I walked up to my room and wrapped myself in my blanket before laying on my floor, next to my bed. I didn't want to do anything but lay here. I certainly didn't want to answer my phone that was buzzing.

I buried my head in my blanket, and focused on my breathing. Eventually, it became the only thing I could hear and that allowed me to finally calm down enough to close my eyes and fall asleep in the middle of my room.