Why Do I Matter Now?

Chapter Four

Bringing himself out of the recent fight with his team, Lance presses his back against the wall. He sighs as he stares up at the ceiling. It was during training, the day after Kieth had yelled at him. It's pissing him off. He'll only have to work harder. "So I'm just a goofball?" He looks down at his scraped hands that he got from a recent training exercise. He had tripped and tried to catch himself, only to end up scraping his hands on some rocks. He didn't try to tell the others what had happened, especially after the entire thing with them. Stop being the goofball and actually show us all of that training that you did! Keith was upset with him and he had every right to be. Or were you just lying with the levels that you completed?

That hurt, for he basically called him a liar. He doesn't lie and he only does if it's for something that keeps them and himself safe. Why would he lie for attention? Yes, he comes off as a flirt, he constantly talks, he does things that seem to be screaming for attention, but that's all a facade. The constant talking is because he is used to it being loud, not quiet. It's because of his large family, three siblings and his nephews and nieces along with his grandmother and his mother. It makes him ansty with all the quiet, but if they want him to stop making jokes, if they want him to stop trying to help them, he'll just stop talking completely. It's not like they would care. Kieth is right. Everything would be better if he just stops talking.

"I'll show them that they're wrong. I will work harder than what I have the last few weeks, and I'll go completely silent. I'll train all that I can. It's not like I have anything else better to do anyway." Lance stares at the dried blood on his hands and cocks his head to the side. He might have to figure out what else to do when he sees Keith train. He had been meditating so maybe go and work on his bond with Blue along with help steel his nerves, his ADHD is starting to act up again so he should just work on that as well. Keep himself from getting distracted. "I learnt to grow old when I was younger. I'd swim far into the ocean. And try to stay afloat Until my lungs would cough up water. And sand would coat my bones, and I hope...That someday I will open up the floodgates." He hums the tune of the song, the one that reminds him of his predicament of his life basically. He goes to the bathroom, turning the water on and placing his hands under it. His injuries sting with the water but it helps wash away the blood. He sighs, staring at his reflection wondering what happened to the happy, innocent boy that he remembered that existed such a long time ago. "I don't want to love no more."

The night passes with him in the training room. It's around one in the morning when he is found by Shiro who yells to end the training sequence. "Lance?" He walks forward as he looks at the scratched up paladin. His beautiful dark skin covered with small red lines and basically just red in general from hitting the ground. "What are you doing up?"

Lance opens his mouth before closing it and giving him a blank look. He motions to the room as if it gives the answer. He just wants to get back to training, get back to getting better. Upon seeing his exasperated look, he shrugs and puts away his bayard. He stretches with a yawn caught in his throat. He raises an eyebrow at the older male, motioning at him as if pondering the same thing. Why was he awake as well?

"I can't sleep." Noticing the face he's given, he sighs. "I don't want to talk—" He sighs again at being scrutinize under the Latino's gaze. "Fine, let's go somewhere more comfortable to talk." He noticed the silence, but dismissed it thinking that he's just tired after all he was training for a while. They sit in the lounge, which is filled with silence for it seems that no one is around. Lance sits on the very edge of the couch as he stares at his leader. Yes, he may not talk as much doesn't mean he's not going to listen to them and their problems. Maybe he can just be helpful like this as well.

"Lance, are you okay?" Lance gives him a look that tells him not to change the subject. Shiro sighs and gives one himself. "Are you okay?" He earns a nod then a hand motion to go on. He sighs and starts talking about the nightmare. Lance doesn't speak, he holds the taller and older man as he continues to talk. He rocks them and hums a comforting song.

They stay that way until morning, Lance asleep holding an equally asleep Shiro. The Cuban is the first to wake, letting go of Shiro and going to his room to shower and brush his teeth along with his skin care routine. His bags are more prominent but with a bit of TLC, they're hidden. He passes the kitchen but doesn't get very far when Hunk calls his name out to come and eat. He sighs and walks into the kitchen, not bothering to even greet any of them as he sits down and starts eating the breakfast of goo. He doesn't eat a lot, pushing his plate in front of him and excusing himself from the table.

Chatter rises as he retreats to the training room. He's going to try to learn hand-to-hand combat today. He realized the night before that he may not always have his bayard so he'll be reduced to hand-to-hand combat. He is unaware of the chatter being about him and his attitude. Shiro tries to stick up for him but he's cut off by Kieth. "Why are you trying to defend him, Shiro? You know he's annoying! You know his lack of focus is going to get one of us hurt!"

  "Kieth, that's enough," he scolds his eyes narrowed at the Red Paladin. "Lance is trying his best and I understand that there are inappropriate times for his jokes but it's his way of coping with things."

  Hunk nods, agreeing with Shiro. "He isn't used to silence. He's used to noise and it causes him to feel nervous and freaks him out if it's only silent. Just be patient with him. That's all that we need, patience. He'll get used to it soon."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Allura, we cannot change the way he is."

"Well he needs to change," says Pidge since she really is just wanting to end the conversation and leave to find her brother.

Lance had came back to get a water pack since he needs something to hydrate himself when he takes a break during his training and not have to come back. He pauses at the door when he hears the conversation. He takes a step inside and crosses his arms as he stares at Pidge in sadness. He walks in, his head down as he grabs the water. He acts like he didn't hear their conversation as he hums "Oceans" by Jacob Lee under his breath. Mentally singing the chorus.

  "I don't want love no more. Though it's the one thing I've been searching for. Though it's the one thing that I miss the most. Now I'm afraid to be alone (I'm afraid to be alone). To be alone." The mice hears the singing and follow it to find the Blue Paladin sitting and watching the stars after a hard training. He doesn't seem to notice the rodents as he sings without a care in the world. The mice listen entranced at hearing such a beautiful voice.

  Lance reminisces his training thinking of where he had gone wrong before he notices the rodents. "Oh, you're here. Did y'all hear me?" He earns a few squeaks and nods of heads in response. He chuckles and strains a smile and beckons them over. He tells them that no one can know about it and he will sing to them whenever they want him to. They point to the hologram and making a few squeaks. "Do you want to hear some stories?" he questions, earning excited responses. "Alright deal." He makes a small fist with his pinky by curling it up and let them tap it with their paws.

  He launches into one story to which when he finishes, he sees them asleep. He scoops them up and brings them to his room, placing them on his pillow. Lance makes his way to the hangar to the Blue Lion and start to talk to her. He promised to be silent but he never said to whom exactly. So far the mice and Blue would be the only ones that would ever hear his voice again. Coran may be the other ones but he doesn't want to bother him too much. So he'll only speak to him when the Altean starts the conversation first.

Well, this is getting intense. Trust me it'll be worse when you get to read the scene I have in mind for the Blade of Mamora to participate in.