Why Do I Matter Now?

Chapter Eight

I remember during mi hermana's quinceañera when it was the father-daughter dance. I don't know why I'm remembering such a day, but I remember how they announced it and mi hermana burst into tears at the remainder. Mi papá. He was gone. I took his place instead. Mi hermana weakly smiled at me as we both cried, listening to the song. "Por favor no crezcas más," I sang to the song as we both fell into tears, knowing we won't see nuestro padre until later on in our life. He's gone, but mi abuela always told us that he's watching over us. I remember how mis hermanos se llevaron mi hermana as they switched between partners. Luego, mi mamá los quitó sus lugares, and I can hear her, "Mi pequeña, te amo" just as the song came to an end.

The door slides open and Lance stumbles forward into strong arms. He's blinking his crusty eyes as he's helped to stand. Not shocking to anyone, the Cuban is then wrapped into a hug by his best friend. Hunk is holding Lance as he cries into his shoulder. Lance doesn't standout at pulling away just yet, knowing that Hunk needed this, needed to hold him to calm down. It's like he basically forgot all the bad they've done to him, but it isn't that. He knows how anxiety feels like, especially when you're infused if someone is disappointed or angry with you. "I'm sorry Lance. I should've been—"

  He's cut off with Lance pulling away, stepping away from them. "It's alright," he murmurs, holding his arms. "I'm going to get something to eat. I'm hungry." He's tired and really hungry, along with embarrassed at the attention their giving him. Yes, he sought attention but when it isn't from something like this—this whatever one can call it. They messed up, he knows, but it hurts. Shiro praises him but he also points out his mistakes more than the others—he makes the most, he knows. He hates that he knows.

"Why haven't you been eating?" Shiro knows it isn't a good thing to bring up, but really he needs to know. Why had he stopped eating? He really didn't stop eating, he either ate once or twice a day, or skipped a day. "Lance, please. We're only trying to help."

Lance looks at him then at Kolivan. He notices a tense atmosphere around the team and the Galra, wondering what happened between them. "I did eat, just not a lot. I had to train and when I wasn't training, I was working on my bond with Blue." He shifts his weight as Coran helps him to go change and then leads him to the kitchen. "Coran, what happened when I—?"

  "Sir Kolivan will explain." That's all he says as he prepares the food. He sits down beside him, eating along with him. The Paladins and Kolivan come in when they're in the middle of speaking. They fall silent, looking up at the newcomers. Coran stays seated as Kolivan and them come forth, taking their seats.

  Kolivan explains what happened afterwards, his eyes taking in the way Lance's frown seemed to deepen when he told him about what he said. "No," he murmurs cutting the Galra off. "Don't cut the alliance with them, por favor, it's not worth it. I know what they did is unforgivable, I know that this doesn't seem the best place for me. I know. Except that this alliance is really important, you can't cut ties with Voltron just because of one."

They listen to him in silence, flinching when he said their actions are unforgivable. They exchange looks of worry, having hoped to be forgiven, but this is the best they can get—they're happy that Lance reasoned with Kolivan, it's the only forgiveness they might even get. They had made numerous of mistakes before but this was one was one of the worst they have ever made.

  Kolivan had to leave early, needing to get some information back to the Blade of Mamora. Lance had explained what he believed, the Galra had known that they were coming which meant that they either had a spy or that they put fake information as a way to capture Voltron. When he finished, the leader of the Blade thanked him for the new found information and went to take his leave. He gave them all a warning glare before heading out, leaving behind an awkward and thick tension.

Lance's face is clear of any emotion, he simply finishes his food and moves to stand. "Lance, please stay. We really need to talk."

  "You mean, you talk, I listen?" It's out of character for him to do this, but he is so frustrated—so tired with everything and everyone of them—except Coran and the mice, they're cool. Coran is like a father-uncle to him, caring for him and helping him when he needs it. "Look, at the moment, I can barely be in the same room as you all. I can't deal with this right now. You think an 'I'm sorry' is going to fix what you've done, make me forget that it ever happened? I'm not some naive child. I know when things are terrible that those stupid words mean nothing. You have a week and a half."

The team watch him walk out of the room. Their faces showing both their confusion and frustration with the situation. Pidge's grasp tightens on her spoon as she growls at the moment. "He's right. This isn't a situation that can be fixed with just words. We have to show him that we care for him."

They nod their agreement with Hunk speaking up, "Guys, I know that this might not be a popular opinion, but really, I think we should give him some space. We can talk to him and all, tell him when to come to training or just team bonding. Let's not force anything on him."

"Hunk's right," Shiro says, looking at all of them as if waiting for someone to disagree with him. "If we force things upon Lance, it'll ruin our chances in being forgiven."

  "Why?" Keith speaks up, his eyes on the table. "Why are we doing this?" This brings them to look at him with disbelief. How can he say that?

  "Because he's our friend!" Pidge exclaims with complete disbelief. "He's our family!"

  "Is he?" Where is all of this coming from? They thought he actually cared for the Blue Paladin. "How can we consider him a friend when all we do is look down at him? We ignore him, hurt him emotionally and verbally, yet we start caring about him, showing him kindness after he gets injured from saving us. After a day or more, we go back to treating him like he's nothing but a waste of space. We treat him as if we don't care about him or only see him as a dumb, useless replacement. How can we consider him a friend? A family member after all that? Lance doesn't deserve all that. We don't deserve him."

  No one voices their agreement but they knew it as true. What type of friends would do that to people?

  "Como si de arriba me dieron demasiado. Como un regalo que no merecí."

Well, hope y'all like the twist I put. I get tired of reading the easily forgivable Lance tropes. Now! Translations:
mis hermanos se llevaron mi hermana: my brothers took my sister
Luego, mi mamá los quitó sus lugares: Then, my mom took their places.
Como si de arriba me dieron demasiado: almost like from above they gave me too much (or a lot).
Como un regalo que no merecí: Like a present that I didn't deserve.