Trauma Queen: A NCIS Fanfiction

Chapter Nine

"McGee and Cahn with me. DiNozzo and David go around back," Gibbs instructed, drawing his gun. Tim and I did the same and followed him into the warehouse.

We had traced the bank account in Brian Davis's name to his buddy, Wendell Mathews. And through further investigation, we found he was the one who murdered Davis. So we found the warehouse he rented out and apparently lived in according to Dunn.

I followed behind Tim and Gibbs, who actually knew what they were doing. I had my gun drawn, but I knew I could never use it. I saved lives and helped people; I didn't injure them.

"Over here!" I heard Tim yell loudly. "Federal Agents! Put the gun down Wendell."

Wendell Matthews was a short Caucasian man with a buzz cut. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week and he had on dirty jeans and a red splattered shirt. I pointed my gun at him as I'd been trained to do, and tried my hardest not to shake. Matthews had a small pistol in his left hand and it was pointed to the ground. Without having time to process the scene, Matthews raised the gun and started firing at all of us. Tim and Gibbs ran behind crates, taking cover and I stood in the middle of the room looking like an idiot.

"Put the gun down Matthews," I said, taking a step closer. "It'll be better for you if you don't shoot me."

He seemed to not pay attention to me and aim his gun directly at me. I closed my eyes and prepared to be shot. When I heard the bang, I was jolted back a little, but there was no pain. Why was I not feeling anything?

I opened my eyes and saw Matthews on the ground, lifeless. I dropped my gun and ran over to him, my EMT instincts kicking in. He had a bullet hole in his forehead and I knew instantly he was dead. I looked at his body and stared in shock. I just witnessed a man getting shot. I put two fingers to his carotid artery and felt nothing. He was dead. He was probably dead before he even hit the ground.

"Oh my god," I whispered. It was dead silent in the warehouse and my team had all heard me
speak. No one moved. I couldn't hear anyone breathe. All I could hear was my heart beating in my ears.

"DiNozzo get Cahn out of here. She needs to go back to headquarters." Gibbs was the first to break the silence.

I felt frozen in space when Tony came over to me and pulled me up by my biceps. I didn't even fight him; I was just dead weight, my eyes locked on Wendell Mathews' body. When Tony tried to get me to walk, I thought my legs were made of lead. I couldn't even bring myself to walk. So poor Tony picked me up bridal style and carried me out to the car. As soon as he put the two of us in the backseat, I started talking a mile a minute.

"Tony he died. We just killed someone. Oh my god who shot him? Please tell me I didn't shoot him." I looked at Tony, waiting for him to tell me 'no you didn't shoot him, Ziva did' or something. He just looked away from me and I knew instantly what happened. I had just killed a man. "Oh my god. Tony I killed someone. How can I ever live with myself? I'm supposed to help people live, not kill them. Like Tony this is against everything I stand for. I can't kill someone. I just-I just can't believe-can't believe I killed a man. Oh my god what am I going to do? How can I ever live with myself?"

I paused for a second to take a breath and instead of words coming out of my mouth, two hands grabbed my face and a set of lips was planted on mine. I was extremely taken aback and realized what just happened. Tony was kissing me.

I pulled away from him and gave him a wide eyed look. "Tony what the hell did you do that for?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "You were rambling and I didn't know how to get you to stop talking so I just kissed you. And honestly, I'd been wanting to do that since you showed up on your first day."

I blinked at him, unsure of what to say. "Tony I... I..."

I heard the car door open and I looked down. "Everything all right?" Tim asked with a strange tone.

"Yeah," Tony and I answered at the same time.

"Gibbs needs you inside Tony. Something about Senior Field Agent."

Tony excitedly got out of the car after squeezing my shoulder kindly and jogged towards the warehouse. He really took pride in being the Senior Field Agent and it was always apparent in the way he carried himself and treated all of us. I never minded honestly, but I know Tim did sometimes.

Tim slid into the car and came close to me. "You all right?"

I sighed. "No. And Tony might've just made it worse." I mumbled the last part, hoping Tim wouldn't hear me.

"What did he say?" There was nervousness in his voice.

"I was freaking out because I killed him. I killed that guy Tim. How can I ever live with myself? Like that's not what I do?" I took a breath. "Sorry. Anyway, I was rambling and then Tony... he-he k-kissed me to shut me up." I looked at Tim's face and I could see he had pain in his eyes.

"Well how does that make things worse?" Tim asked, trying to keep a neutral voice.

"Because I'm new. And I don't want to mess things up with anyone. And a couple days ago you and I fell asleep together and then cuddling in the morning. And now Tony kisses me. I'm just so confused and I-I really don't want to cause any trouble in the office really." I knew I was rambling, but it felt good to get these words out.

Tim ran a hand through his hair. I could tell he didn't know what to say. "I guess you have to figure out how you felt about kissing Tony. Because our thing was an accident Naomi, neither of us did that on purpose. But Tony did kiss you on purpose."

I facepalmed. "That didn't help at all Tim. But thanks for trying I guess."

He shrugged. "This is more of an Abby thing. You should talk to her at some point; she's really good with this stuff. I'm helpless."

I leaned into his chest, trying to not cry. "I killed him Tim. I fucking killed him."

He put an arm around me and rubbed up and down my back. "I know Naomi, I know. But he would've killed you or one of us if you didn't kill him first. So yeah, you took his life, but you saved all of us."

I sniffled. "Promise me you'll never let me do that again."

"I can't promise that, I'm sorry. Sometimes you have to save your team. I took my first kill hard too; I promise it'll get better."

"But I don't want it to get better. I don't want to have to kill anyone. I want to help people and I want to save lives." I paused. "Maybe this job isn't for me." I didn't know how hard it was going to be to take a life.

"You are made out for this, I promise. You're a good agent. And you're so kind. But sometimes you do stuff you don't want to do and that's okay. You have us to support you because we're a team and that means we're a family." I could hear the smile in Tim's voice as he spoke. I really appreciated him.

"Thanks Tim. You always know what to say."