Fitoor | ✓

27 | Sattayees

A/N : Where has the author been for three months? Soulless-ly crying about her sorry life. 

Now, moving on from the morbid things : I see most of you have a problem with Mahira Khan as being the cast for Tara. Honestly, I don't like her much either and I originally had someone else in mind for her. However, I didn't have much pictures of her nor could I find appropriate aesthetics of the actress. However, a wonderful reader was kind enough to send me a few pictures of that actress. Unfortunately, I can't remember where I've saved those pictures not to mention my phone is as broken as my soul. 

But for now, it's okay because I WILL BE CHANGING THE WHOLE CAST. It's pretty easy to guess who the new Lekh will be given how much I am obsessed with this particular very talented actor... You can wait for the next chapter for the new cast reveal. 

And lastly and most importantly, I love you all to bits, it's amazing how you people even stick up with me and this book despite the untimely updates. I just have a request though, I post my e-mail address so you'll can send some nice Fan art for Fitoor. But so far, the e-mails that I get are "Oh hey, i love fitoor, i am going to make fan art. will you read my book?" It's more than a little disheartening tbh. So please, just don't. I really don't have the time to read, I barely have the motivation to write. 

Much love to you all. I hope your annoying siblings gift you nice things on Rakshabandhan. Amen.

Aashi x 

27 | Sattayees

Tara stared at her hands, the dark brown colour of her mehendi was making her smile. It was a good sign if all the old women's tales were to be believed; Lekh was going to love her as deeply as the colours of her mehendi. Maybe, he had already started to but this thought was too daunting to think more about. Tara got up from her bed, stared at her mehendi for several more minutes before she decided it was enough and she had work to do. There were bigger tasks in hand.

She was getting married tomorrow.

Destiny is a peculiar thing. Who would have imagined that Tara would be widowed so young, who would have thought she'd be pregnant when her husband was murdered and who would have speculated she would get married to her dead husband's brother. And who would have thought that the second marriage out of coercion would exceed the bounds of anarchy and transform into a sound companionship. Hindus believe that everything that is going to happen in our lives is written by the Gods when they are creating is. This also means that every decision and every choice we make our not our own and are already destined to happen. This belief had always made Tara uncomfortable, this gave people a chance to hate their lives. It gives them the liberty to blame all the bad decisions, all the wrong doings to destiny. To their fate. It denies the human race the responsibility that they are in fact responsible for what they do in their lives.

This belief gave Indira the chance to excuse all her shoddy behavior.

Tara sighed at the memory of her phone call from Indira last night. She had managed to dodge all her calls until last night when she called from Lekh's phone. It didn't last much long as Lekh snatched his phone back but those two minutes of listening to Indira talk were enough to make Tara a nervous wreck.

Soon we'll be able to see if it's a girl or a boy.

That is why she had calling these past days, desperately trying to get a hold of Tara to warn her about the gender of the child. She didn't say it directly but Tara knew what she wanted to convey. It better be a boy. It was for a boy that she was doing all this. Had it not been the expectation to have her first grandson, Tara would have been kicked out on the roads. She knew it, everyone knew it. But no one could confront it.

Indira wanted a new Kartavya, a new face to fill the space of the one lost forever. It was twisted and dark but just maybe, in the tiniest way possible, Tara understood. But she also knew had Kartavya been still alive and she had gotten pregnant, Indira would still demand a grandson. Kartavya's death only amplified her desire and Tara despised it. But more than that, fear engulfed her. What if she had a daughter?

How would she protect her own little baby girl from the cruelty of a world she wasn't even a part of yet?

Sometimes she wanted to tell Lekh that she wanted to run away, that before the baby was born she wanted to be out of the house living far away from the Rajputs. She knew Lekh would consider, she knew he wanted to run away too. It would be a perfect plan, they'd escape the place they both hated and live with a child that would bring them nothing but new hope.

But she knew it wouldn't be possible. Where would they go and how would they survive? She didn't know the whole story but she knew that Lekh was forbidden from working independently and that he was forced to work in the family business. He didn't even have a salary, his salary was his house and a bank account shared with Arti. It was the account the Rajput kids used to splurge. Lekh had no independent earning despite the fact that he was the most workaholic person Tara had ever seen.

Tara shook her head. Now was definitely not the time to think about such things, she was getting married tomorrow. No matter how much life threw you beneath the rock, you'd have to look for the little speck of sunlight or living would become tougher than it already is.

Plus, Lekh had a plan, he had assured her. He had everything sorted and even her brother and sister-in-law knew this. What exactly it was, only Lekh knew but she trusted him. If Lekh had a plan, Lekh must have a plan. But still, she couldn't help but let that little doubt in her mind. Lekh had a plan but would it be successful? Of course, her feelings for Lekh were real but she had an unborn baby to fend for. Lekh was still living with his parents out of coercion and that said a lot about how brave Lekh really was.

Tara didn't want to think like this, Tara realized she shouldn't be thinking like this about the man she was about to marry but she couldn't stop herself. What if Lekh couldn't work things out? What would happen to her baby then? What if the baby was a girl? Tara wanted to be free from this internal riddle, it was tiring her and making her anxious. In no time, her stomach started to hurt just like it did every time she got too nervous.

She got up and starting pacing in the little room, her palms sweating and hands shaking. It wasn't until Varsha came to the room that Tara finally stopped.

"Good morning?" Varsha said, doubtfully. A worrisome expression creased on her forehead seeing Tara all riled up.

"I'm okay." Tara smiled. "Just pre-wedding jitters, that's all."

Varsha nodded, "Okay... Well, freshen up. We have a lot of last minute things to see before we leave."

Tara nodded and then sighed after Varsha left.

She didn't want to worry anyone else due to her own worries. For all she knew, all her thoughts were just what she told Varsha – pre wedding jitters. But they were still there and for her they sounded legit. In her mind, it reasonable. Falling for Lekh and being in love was wonderful as long as her baby was safe. Her life was for her baby now, that little life growing within her was what had really, truly kept her going in the days she had wanted to die. So the truth really was that she couldn't depend on Lekh entirely, or her brother even. How much could they both do? She had to fend for herself and she had to do it all before her baby was born or before Indira had a chance to take her to the doctor to find out the gender of the baby.

Finally, she decided that she couldn't relax. Tara knew she shouldn't relax. While her wedding was a celebration and she was indeed getting married to a wonderful man, the wedding also brought her closer to Indira, more than ever. When she had married Kartavya, Tara did not have to live in the family home because of his transferable job but with Lekh, she was going to be in close proximity of Indira all the time.

And she had to be alert.