Fitoor | ✓

35 | Paitees

A/N : A big shout out to honestlybananas for these beautiful fan arts! You are extremely talented <3

35 | Paitees

Tara stared at him. Lekh looked down.

He had to find Tarini, he needed to know where she was, how she was and what she really felt. He couldn't not do it. A good part of his life was mere suffering, a lie that his own mother had made him endure. He deserved to know the truth from the girl he had loved so much that her death had killed him alive too.

And so he told Tara.

"I need to go find Tarini." He said, he couldn't face Tara. He wasn't sure why. It felt like he was betraying her even though he knew he wasn't. He wouldn't leave her; surely she would know.

"Okay."

"Tara?"

"Yes?"

Tara spoke sternly, every word she uttered pricked him like a thorn.

"Tara, if you think I am going to leave you, I am not." Lekh clarified, "I would never leave you."

Tara looked at him, unsatisfied. "What's the guarantee?"

Lekh was taken aback. Tara was the sweetest person he had ever met, even in the most difficult times, nothing she ever said was bitter or hurtful. And now, more than ever, he wanted her to be that person. He wanted her to understand why it was important for him to find Tarini.

"I will not leave you. You and the baby are my responsibility."

"And what happens when you find her? You love her, what if you both want to get together."

Lekh was stumped.

Tara looked at him painfully, "Tell me Lekh, what will happen after you find her? Did you think this through?"

Lekh looked at her lost. He hadn't. He hadn't thought of what he would do after he found Tarini, all he was concentrated on was finding her. And he had to. He had to do this for himself. But Tara's voice hung in the air.

And he had to answer her and assure her that he wouldn't leave her.

"I will never do that to you and the baby, you know that Tara." He said soflty.

"I know you won't. you won't leave because I am your dead brother's wife and I am pregnant. You will stay out of pity." She was crying now, uncontrollably so. "But you would want to be with her. And I can't stop you from that Lekh. I just don't."

"I –"

"No. I can't here anymore false justifications. You'll hate me and the baby forever if you stay with us. So go, but if you are going don't just go. Leave."

Lekh had no words to pacify Tara. She was scared and vulnerable and everything she said was logically true. But he didn't want to leave her. He loved her and he wished she'd understand.

But if he didn't go, he would always wonder what the truth was. He needed the peace, he deserved it.

Lekh came close to Tara and engulfed her crying self into a hug. He brought his face to hers and pulled her chin to face him, "Look at me Tara. I love you. You are not just my responsibility, I love you. And I love the baby. But I need to find Tarini. I am not going to bring her back; I am going to find my peace. I have to know if what my mother is saying is the truth or now. After years of pain, Tara, I have to rest myself. If I don't, I will always wonder."

Tara looked at him, her breath was heavy and she was tired and exerted. But she was willing to understand. She knew Lekh deserved to know the truth and she could do nothing but nod.

She smiled at him lightly, a signal that she okay.

But she didn't tell him that it was really a resignation of sorts, that she was leaving things to fate. She wasn't convinced, there was still a chance that after he found Tarini both of them would want to be together. But she couldn't do anything about it but leave it to chance.

And she didn't want to show Lekh a side of her she knew wasn't nice. A more selfish, bitter part of her that fought to grow in her. After all this time, after all the suffering, Tara really wanted some happiness. Someone constant. Something safe.

Something hers.