I’m Thomas Miller and today – I’m feeling lonely dear diary.
The dudes at school think I lucked out being an only kid. They think I get pretty much everything I want; and I guess they’re right, to a degree, I do. But you know, sometimes it’s kinda lonely being the only kid living with two busy, bickering parents. I wish I had a sister to share the burden with.
Here’s the thing; my folks are generous with giving me material things, but they’re so god-damned-strict about giving me my freedoms. I’m a fifteen-year-old guy, I need to start socializing outside school: hanging with dudes at weekends, bringing friends home, dating girls. But no, it’s all duty and discipline for me.
They bicker because they’re so different. Mom’s a surgeon and dad’s a fashion designer who has a popular label; they’re both highly successful people in opposing worlds. Sometimes I think they should never have got together.
......
I try to understand them. Maybe it’s because they’re older than all of my friend’s parents. Mom was 44 and dad, 46 when I arrived.
They argue about me a lot and it pisses me off real bad.
You see, mom wants me to study medicine and dad wants me to do fashion. The thing is, neither of them ask me what I want to do! No, it’s all about them, living their dreams through me.
I want to pursue some kinda creative, design career (as long as it isn’t fashion,) and play soccer in my free time. These two passions of mine cause more tension between my folks and I.
You know the way guys are supposed to have that sporty/baseball bond with their dad; well not me – fact is, I sometimes think dad wishes I were a girl.
......
I mentioned this to my best buddy, Brogan Braithwaite, while on the way to watch him compete in a skateboard trial, “Seriously Brogan, I think my dad’s disappointed in me because I’m not a girl!”
Brogan flipped his board in the air and laughed, “You crack me up Tom, where do you get all these crazy ideas from?” He said.
“From my folks. Seriously, they were having a heated discussion about my future last night and mom shouted, ‘I want her to be a surgeon’ and dad squealed back, ‘I want her to do fashion.’ They referred to me as her. I was shocked,” I tell him.
Brogan’s dismissive, “Her/him, it was the heat of the moment, Tom, you’re reading too much into it,” he said.
I guess he’s right. Brogan always calms my crazy mind by bringing me back to reality.
Brogan was totally killin it on his board that day – he qualified for the Chicago junior Skateboard team. I’m mega proud of my buddy Brogan.
......
Now, I have a dilemma – and it’s one I intend to discuss with mom this evening. I’m kinda nervous, but I need to start expressing myself more with my parents.
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She was preparing dinner when I brought up the subject, “Mom, can we talk?”
“You don’t need to ask, I’m always here for you Thomas, you know that,” she answered, while slicing through a zucchini with her surgeon’s precision. I got straight to it, “You know this father/son bonding trip dad wants us to go on?”
“What about it?”
“Well, I think it’s a great idea and all. But, it clashes with the soccer trials at school and I so want on the team. Do you think dad will be pissed if I ask him to postpone it till later in the year?” Mom thinks, puts the knife down and turns to me, “No, he won’t be pissed, he’ll be hurt. You know how much this trip means to your father, he really wants to find some common ground with you,” she says.
I feel bad, “You’re right, mom.” She resumes work on the zucchini while continuing to talk, “But Thomas, I know how much the team means to you and I think you’re right to question the timing. I really don’t want you to feel that your father’s holding you back.” She puts down the knife again, “Why don’t you discuss it with Brogan and Charlotte, their your friends, peers, ask what they’d do,” she suggests.
Wowser – I’m happy with her response. I saw a different side to mom, she seems to be opening up to my interests rather than dictating them to me – can I get an amen?
……
Brogan and I window shop during lunch break, “I’m so gonna shop here when I’m wealthy,” says Brogan as we pass Abercrombie & Fitch. “What if you don’t become wealthy? It’ll be Wallmart all the way, buddy,” I say, laughing at his materialism (a big difference between us.) Brogan looks at me like I’m a lame-brain, “Oh, I’m gonna be top dollar, the guy with da big swag bag – I’ll do whatever it takes to get the bling-bling on!” He says. I laugh at his arrogance, but I also know he’ll make it; his confidence is matched by his ambition.
Brogan’s response to my dilemma is totally emphatic, “What would I do, I’d go for sure, you can’t let your father down. I'll talk with the guys, see if I can get them to delay the trials until you get back," he says, staring into the window of the Hollister store.
I pull him away from the window, “I appreciate that. I guess you’re right, dad’s making a real effort, I should honor that.”
......
As soon as I walk into the hallway of my home I can smell Charlotte, her perfume is sweet and welcoming. My heart leaps, happy to have someone my own age for company this evening.
“I demand a hug, NOW!” She says, her arms outstretched to greet me. Her hugs always feel good, “Where’s mom and dad,” I ask, noting their absence. “Working late, as usual. They asked me to come over and fix you dinner,” she says.
Jeez, my parents always do this; have someone over to take care of me. Like, I can’t take care of myself, “I can fix my own dinner, Char, you know that,” I say.
She puts the bag of spaghetti back in the store cupboard, “Sure you can. I’m gonna skip dinner this evening anyways, I need to drop a little weight,” she says, grabbing none existent fat on her waist. “When I get money, I’m so gonna get liposuction,” she says, looking at me for a response
I ignored her and changed the subject (I love Charlotte, but she’s overly obsessed with looks – a big difference between us.
Her response to my trip dilemma was as emphatic as Brogan’s, “You gotta go, no question. Uncle Logan really wants to build a bridge with you, Tom – it’s really important that you walk with him on this one. Besides, it’s only two weeks: school, soccer, skateboarding, me and Brogan, will all be here when you get back – go for it!” She exclaims.
……
That’s it then: decision made.
…….
So, tomorrow’s the day I leave with dad. I guess that’s why I’m feeling a little down today (I always find it comforting to write in this journal when I’m lonely.)
Brogan’s told me that the guys will delay the soccer trial until I get back, which is super coolio!
But, do you ever get that feeling, a sense that you’re gonna miss out on something? So much is happening at school right now and I’m totally digging it – while I’m away there’s a guy coming in to give a presentation in our career seminar on App Design and Development – it sucks that I’m gonna miss that.
Anyways, I’m gonna think positive. Maybe this trip is a good thing; I’ll use the time to get to know dad more and discuss all our hopes and dreams for the future.
As Charlotte said, two weeks isn’t so long; it’s not like the world, or my life’s gonna change in such a short time – is it?
