Man Of Few Words

Chapter 45

So, I've tried waffling then transcribing. For my next trick... live blogging. Sort of.

As I write this, I have just finished signing up to an online dating site. I found some fairly recent, but pre-cancer, photos on my phone and threw them up there along with a handful of bullet points about what a great catch I am. There's no mentioned of how cancer-riddled I am. Or of how rich I am.

I've set my location as London – I'm not looking for someone 'round here. God no.

Anyway, I'm not so naïve as to think I can set up this honey trap and just wait. Let's see who's out there waiting for me.

First up we have Jacklyn, 35. Quite attractive. Seems a bit new age. Yep, she's a vegan. Oh, mum of two. Feminist, poet... I'm losing interest. She home schools her kids. No... that's it. Next please...

Introducing Azure, 31. Another hippy, judging by the name. She's black. Tattoos. Very complicated looking hair. Hmmm... she seems alright. The no-nonsense type. Not really leaping out at me though. I'll bookmark her.

Meet Ness, 34, who's a bit overweight with lop-sided tits, and looks like exactly the sort of person who'd get a kick out of forming a relationship with a dying man. I feel I should run a mile, but I also feel I'm in with a chance here. She really doesn't deserve someone who's already been so mean about her, though.

Let's take a closer look. She has some kind of "helping people get over trauma" job. I knew it – she's exactly the type. The more tempted I get, the more this feeling inside of me grows. I think it's guilt.

She believes all problems can be solved with love – the fool!

An aspiring film maker! She can shoot my biopic if she wants.

Hmmm... I'm very much in two minds here. This one could be a nightmare. But she might also be the type to do me a lot of good. Totally don't fancy her at all though. Bookmarked, but let's continue...

Moving onto Bess, 37. Seriously? Ness then Bess? I guess it'll be Tess next! Ironically it's Bess, and not Ness, who is Scottish. Bess looks Scottish, and everything about her description of herself scream Scottishness. She is, yes, very no nonsense. No nonsense to the point of nonsense, to be quite honest. A semi-professional musician of some kind, by the look of it. Gah... she'd invite me to one of her shows, I bet.

No, no... sorry Bess, just not feeling it. Besides, you're ugly as sin.

Jesus! It's going to be tricky to find one awful enough to deserve me, but I persevere...

Jodie, 28. You had me at the Tardis photo. Had me screaming, "NO!" that is.

Simone, 33. Now, this is more like it. Looks pretty decent in some photos, less so in others – not that it should matter, really. A care worker... good. Says she's funny. I'll be the judge of that. Very into literature. Definitely a candidate for finishing this book if I don't quite make it.

Fuck it, I'm gonnamessage this poor, unsuspecting soul now, and maybe the other two I bookmarkedif I feel like it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something rather moreimportant to write...