Man Of Few Words

Chapter 54

I know. I know. And I'm sorry. Just when you think you're comfortably strapped in to some kind of continuous narrative, I interrupt. I'm just too tired right now to continue the story of what happened... it's several days ago now. I'm just too tired to write about anything except how tired I am. And even that's pushing it.

I'm sure this is reading okay to you. Even if there are typos and errors that I'm not noticing in this draft, I'm sure that if this has got to point where someone's actually reading it, then it will have been checked and tidied up along the way. But I am noticing a lot of errors as I go. I'm struggling to string sentences together. My fingers just aren't tapping the right keys in the right order.

I'll do an experiment to prove my point. Or maybe disprove it. It may just prove that I'm a whiny little bitch. I promise one thing – I won't fake the results.

I'm just gonna write a whole paragraph without cleaning up the mess. I expect it'll be like reading a text message from a teenager, only longer. I haven't started yet. Ready? Starting now...

Now I don't know what to actually say. I just read that back. No errors. Maybe I'm not so tured. Ha! Got one! It's a good one too. Almost says "turd". I just let out a big, throaty yawn, I swear. It made me sound very tured. Much more tired than this paragrpag is making me sound. I promise I didn't do the second "tured" on purpose. I just don't nseem tro know where the kets are any more. Se! Now it's happening. I knew I woudn't let me donw!

Nice experiment. But I suspect that, like those transcribed sections I tried earlier, it's just laziness on my part and would really grate over a long period. I maintain that I might resume transcribing should I reach a point where I'm physically struggling to write but am still able to talk. You've had a taster now. You're ready for it.

I'm now trying to think of other ways to illustrate how tired I am, just to stretch this chapter out a bit longer. For the sake of its dignity. And for the sake of keeping my busy and productive for... a while.

Oh, here's one! We've all been so tired that we've put an item of clothing on inside out and gone through a whole day without noticing, right? Happens with the underpants all the time. Well, not all the time, but... y'know...

Today, I'm wearing all of my clothes expect the tracksuit bottoms inside out. And it is not because I was too tired to notice. It's because they were all inside out when I pulled them out of the dryer, and I simply didn't have the energy to turn them the right way around. I mean, who cares? I know I don't.

Okay, one more. And this one's pretty bad. It's kind of a double too. Because I actually forgot all about it – that's how tired I am!

Yes, I somehow forgot that, just yesterday, I started brushing my teeth with this cream that they prescribed me to rub on my hands and feet. One of the new side effects of the various consolation drugs (I call them that because none of them is going to prevent me from dying, so they feel like a 'thanks for taking part' kind of prize) is that my nails are getting kind of fucked up, and the skin around them is really dry and hard. The cream is for that. Hopefully it also helps prevent cavities.