I Could Fall

Chapter Twenty-Three

I began to notice everything. Even the little things. How he never fails to greet me in the morning and even my own brothers don't do that unless we were having breakfast together. How apart from Ali, he's the last person that I talk to in the night. There was even a period when he's the last person I'd say goodnight to, back when Ali was still keeping his distance back in highschool.

His confession gave me a reason to color his words and actions. I never gave any meaning to it before because I only thought of our friendship and nothing beyond that. Now...

I wish I could tell him about Ali. I badly want to. He should know. Sasabihin ko naman dapat nung huli kaming nag-usap pero siya mismo ang may ayaw makaalam. Should I just tell him even if doesn't want to know?

A part of me is scared that it will cause a rift between them but it is better than lying. To me, the worst thing you can do to someone is to comfort them with a lie because being lied to hurts more than finding out the truth.

I honestly don't know what to do. I love Atticus. I don't wanna hurt him in anyway. If I could be the only one who gets hurt from all of this, I would without any hesitation. I'd rather bear the pain than inflict it. Nilinaw ko naman sa kanya na mahalaga siya sa akin bilang kaibigan. I just hope he'd be able to realize that I can only give him friendship and accept it eventually.

Our routine remained the same. Tuwing Wednesday at Saturday ay siya ang kasama kong kumain. Madalas naman ay kasama rin namin si Dashiel kaya kahit papaano ay komportable pa rin.

I treat him like I usually treat him. If he texts, I'll reply. If he calls, I'll answer. Hindi ko siya iniwasan. I told him I won't push him away and I'm going to keep my words because I know how painful it would be if the person I like avoided me just because I told him I like him. Kaya hindi ko sa kanya gagawin 'yon. No matter what happens, he's still my bestfriend.

My routine with Ali remained the same, too. We're almost always together every Tuesday and Friday. It rarely happens but whenever there are times that my prof isn't around and I'm not with my friends, Ali will make sure that I won't be alone. May times na kailangan siya sa office kaya kina Phil at Trix ako sasabay.

We see each other twice a week, we chat, we sometimes talk at night after I study—but that's it. He never directly told me that he likes me... and even if he doesn't, I don't really mind. I'm already happy with how he makes me feels. Na kahit malabo kaming dalawa para sa iba ay parang malinaw pa rin para sa akin.

"Congratulations!" salubong ko kay Ali pagkapasok ko sa kanyang sasakyan.

Ali chuckled. "Thank you."

I already congratulated him the moment the results for the board exam came out but I wanted to say it again in person.

He's among the topnotcher of the board. Nang makita ko ang pangalan niya ay hindi ko mapigilan maging proud kahit wala naman akong ambag sa pagiging topnotcher niya.

"Should I call you Engineer Ali now?" I teased and laughed a bit.

"Don't." He chuckled and reached for my seatbelt to fix it for me. "Saan mo gustong kumain?"

"Ikaw bahala, Engineer," sagot ko.

Ali frowned at me and pinched my nose before sitting properly and driving off.

Nang dumating ang Christmas break at pumunta kami ng France ay nagpatuloy pa rin ang pag-uusap namin ni Ali. He's usually call around eleven, which is six AM in the Philippines. He's always up early because he sometimes goes to the gym before going to the office. Hindi rin naman nagtatagal ang pag-uusap namin dahil pinapatulog niya na agad ako dahil late na.