HELL NO!!! I'm Never Gonna Get Married To You!

Chapter 29

--- 29 ---

AUSTIN:

I’m not dead…

I was sure now because I was still able to think… still able to hear her and still feel her beside me…

So I couldn’t be dead…

But I was somewhere in between the real world and the other side… and how did I know this? Because sometimes it was just nothing at all… just meaningless brightness all around and sometimes when it faded away, leaving a lingering darkness around me… I knew I was back in my world…

But it was of no use!

I never knew how long the silence stretched… since she left and then came back… I couldn’t keep track of time as I moved in and out of the consciousness, every now and then but when ever I could feel things around me… hear her beside me… I tried to move… tried to tell her I was sorry for doing this to her but I was so still and helpless! Not able to move.

My mind didn’t seem to have any control over my senses. It was like my body was giving up!

It was painful… and dreadful!

Now that I felt myself lying on something soft, with some kind of pleasurable weight over my hand – maybe she was crying with her head bowed down over my hand.

Yes, she was crying… I felt – as I forced myself to feel – her tears dripping over my hand. It felt so good to feel her… to be so close to her but then once more… my world started closing in… I felt lighter and contented… again!

No! I don’t want this! I don’t want to be here… I don’t deserve this after all what I’ve done!

There was light, creeping up on me again, capturing me in it… I knew I was in coma… sleeping to death!

But I’m not dead….

ANDY:

‘Don’t you want to have a look at your baby?’

‘No…’ I had whispered as the tears dripped down from the corner of my eyes. I had looked away from the screen, up to the ceiling to avoid glancing at my baby. Austin’s baby… I didn’t want to… not if he weren’t there with me.

And now I don’t regret my decision as I sat on the hard stool beside him, holding his hand, staring at his angelic face, like this was the first time I was looking at him. It had been the same almost everyday now.

It was like falling for him all over again…

I fell in love with him every single day, every single moment when I hear his voice in my mind – so vivid that I thought he was really speaking but it was just my hallucination. I knew he couldn’t even hear me… but I still talked to him because I want him to hear me!

“I wanted you there with me Austin… I couldn’t do it alone…” I spoke slowly, sniffing a little as I felt my eyes burning again.

I clutched Austin’s hand tightly as I glanced over the single couch where the sonogram DVD was lying near Austin’s clothes that I’d put hoping every day that he’d dress up in them when he wakes up.

I stared at the DVD, remembering how I was just a glance away from seeing our baby. My throat was dry, heart pounded faster with every part of my body telling me to turn my head just a little and look at the beautiful most creation. A blessing… but I didn’t do it. A shiver ran down my spine as the coldness from the gel still lingered on my tiny-bumped belly even thought I had the sonogram few hours ago.